The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, May 13, 2016


(celebrating the 1916 Rising with the Heelers Diaries)

Phonecall to the diva.
She is in typical maddeningly abstract form.
Whilst I wonder why I ever ring her, she maudlins merrily about the heroes of 1916.
"Think of their courage," she says. "We all owe them for what they did in giving their lives for Ireland."
I am nonplussed.
"Are you from an IRA family?" I ask.
"Well James," quoth she, "I'd be happy if we had the full 26 counties."
"What?" says I dangerously.
"I'm just saying I'd be happy if we had the 26 counties," quoth she.
"We do have 26 counties you daft bint," I tell her patiently, "you can get drummed out of the Rah for not knowing that."
The diva corrected course.
"Slip of the tongue," she proclaimed, "of course I knew that. I meant to say the full 32 counties. I'd prefer if we had the full 32 counties."
This seemed an ideal moment to quote Des Egan's famous poem written admidst the early bombing campaigns of the 1970's.
I didn't quote it because the diva is a gibbon, but I'll quote it to you gentle travellers of the internet:
"two wee children were playing tig near a parked car
how many counties would you say
are worth their scattered fingers"


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