star drekkk classics episode 96 the search for socks

Sulu: "Captain, a Veluchian ship is approaching in the Omega Quadrant."

Kirk: "Where?"

Sulu: "Right there. In front of us."

Kirk: "Veluchians are friendly types, what?"

Spock: "The Veluchians are feared as the most vicious warriors in the known universe, Captain."

Kirk: "Yoikes."

Vlaktar the Veluchian: "I am Vlaktar the Veluchian. You will surrender or die."

Kirk: "Tell him I'm on my Corbomite break."

Vlaktar: "I'm right here. On the viewing screen. I can see you. You can see me. That's the conceit. We can hear each other. That's what it says in the script."

Kirk: "Oh right. Vlaktar this is James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise."

Vlaktar: "What does the T stand for?"

Kirk: "Tiberius."

Michael Caine: "Not many people know that."

Vlaktar: "Yoikes myself."

Kirk: "You are in Federation space."

Vlaktar: "I didn't see your name on it."

Spock: "Captain the Veluchians are scanning us."

Vlaktar: "Tell me, James T Kirk, why are you wearing a woman's girdle?"

Spock: "They can see our underwear."

Kirk: "It's a man's girdle. A mirdle. I wear it because this is for television."

Vlaktar: "And the wig?"

Kirk: "Same reason."

Vlaktar: "You are quite a good looking guy and they have you trussed up like a turkey to evoke some pseudo ideal notion of masculinity. You earthlings are going to end up having trouble with your young people starving themselves to death through anorexia nervosa if you keep imposing on them arbitrary televisual images which you consider indicative of attractiveness."

Kirk: "Tell us about it."

Vlaktar: "Could you ask Lieutentant Uhuru to spin around in her swivel chair towards our scanning device?"

Kirk: "Ah she'll do it herself in a minute. She's always doing it."

Vlaktar: "She's some babe."

Kirk: "The real wonder is we get any work done at all. The way Star Fleet women disport themselves. All magnificent glistening thighs, black boots and pointy gazungas. Still somehow we keep going. Federation starships fly around. Usually they don't bump into each other. Imagine it. With a dress code like this."

Vlaktar: (agreeably) "It's harder to believe than tractor beams, phasers, time travel and teleportation devices."

Dr McCoy: (rushing in to tie up loose endsily.) "Where's my socks?"

Kirk: "I got em. I like the little Garfields."

Vlaktar: "I bet the T really stands for Titbreath."