a little night bollocks

Phone conversation with Lisa Baines.
"How are you enjoying the great Corona Virus panic of 2020?" quoth me.
"I'm too busy working from home to enjoy anything," sez she.
"How does a teacher work from home?" I ask, genuinely wanting to know.
"I prepare assignments and send them to the pupils via a website," she blusters unconvincingly. "They send them back to me and I correct them. I also have to prepare classes and conduct them through the website."
She seems a bit flustered by my line of enquiry.
I decide to change the subject from the notional work Irish teachers claim to be doing at home on full pay during the present crisis to something more light hearted and less taxing on the imagination.
"The Fine Gael government is breathing a sigh of relief tonight," I tell her. "The death toll in Ireland being attributed to the Corona Virus just leapt by fifty percent in half a minute. That is to say it went from two dead people to three. The Gaelers were starting to look a bit stupid there for a moment with nobody dying and the Prime Minister predicting a potential death toll of 70,000. At least the instantaneous fifty percent leap in deaths gives him back what passes for credibility among suggestible idiots."
"You think it's all a big joke," said she.
"I think it's all a big con job," I correct her.
"The woman who died today didn't think it was a joke," said she.
"What did she have, like about a dozen extra ailments as well as the flu?" said I. "Knocked down by a lorry was she and they found a bit of Corona Virus in what was left of her?"
"The government spokesperson made it clear that she had no underlying conditions," said Lisa firmly.
"What age was she?" said I.
"They didn't mention that," said she.
"Ah," said I.
"You don't think this is a serious outbreak?" said she.
"I think it's a serious outbreak of the greatest bout of mass hysteria of all time," I said. "They've switched off the Western world for a flu virus. They've closed businesses, factories, schools, colleges and shops. They've closed churches in a way that Hitler and Stalin and Chairman Mao never managed. They've created mass unemployment in countries that were heading for full employment. I think the most prosperous civilisation in history is about to become poor. I'm just asking myself how long our monetary currencies can continue to function when there is no production of goods and services to back them up. And hey. I'm wondering did Vladdie the Pute activate a few sleepers in the World Health Organisation to talk up the flu virus. It's a mighty efficient way of wiping out a civilisation and he didn't have to waste all those expensive nuclear bombs or risk a retaliation. The Trump economic miracle in the USA has been erased overnight. Or if not Putin, how about the Free Masons? Or devil worshippers? Devil worshippers would do it for a larf. One thing is sure. This isn't a pandemic. This is a flu outbreak. And it is being opportunistically exploited as a gambit by Statists at the UN to usurp the sovereignty of free nations. That's two things. Two things are sure. Flu outbreak. UN gambit. Devil worshippers. Three. Three things."