feldwebels are not the only unteroffizier

The noble Heelers is standing in the grounds of Kilcullen church, gazing at the edifice.
I'm wondering how long they're going to keep the thing locked.
I miss my weekly posing in pew Numma Wan.
And there's some important hamming up I want to catch up on with the Almighty.
Ho hum.
The churches are closing down all over Ireland.
We shall not see them open again in our lifetime.
What the Nazis, the Communists, the Penal Laws and the Jihadis couldn't accomplish over two millennia, the abortionists of Fine Gael managed in a couple of months with the Corona Virus panic.
I mutter a few imprecations liberally spiced with eftsoons and cee words as is my wont.
Suddenly.
A dramatically pretty dark haired girl runs up to me.
I have time to hope I haven't been excoriating too loudly as some women are put off by men who rant aloud to themselves in public using cee words and eftsoons.
"Are you a priest?" she asks all Charlotte Bronteily. "I need to confess."
She looked like she'd just come in from a breathless chase around the moors with Heathcliff.
It was a good look for her.
I think her bosom actually heaved.
Something did anyway.
A real Charlotte Bronte no less.
Or more Biblically speaking, Abishag the Shunamite on a good hair day.
A strange, distant, mystic look comes into my eyes.
It is the look that says: "Here's larks. This one is going to confess her sins to me. And I am going to be mightily entertained. We owe it to ourselves to live a little."
Am I priest?
There is an Irish expression "That fellow would say mass," which is occasionally applied to me.
How to answer her without actually lying.
I could say without affirming or denying: "What is it my child? How can I help you?"
That old gag.
Instead I mumble: "Er no, try at the manse."
"Try at the what?" says she.
"The house thing over there," sez I.
"Oh," sez she and departs mansewards.
Knowing how way leads onto way, I doubted she would ever come back.
On the other hand if she does, or if any other sexy Charlotte Bronte or Abishag the Shunamite bim asks me to hear their confession, next time I'm going to take that ride.