novelty music video in aid of something.

The song is a parody of Alfie by Neil Tenant.

The video shows me giving a lift to four rather attractive girls, which is a vague reference to the Bangles video where Mr Spock gives a lift to one very attractive girl and the other three Bangles.

I am bald as a coot and wearing a Star Trek uniform. The girls peer into the car and seeing my Star Trek uniform hesitate. This is a reference to the Sixty Miles An Hour video by New Order.
I say: "Oh this. Oh no. It's not what you think. The uniform is for my job."
The girls pile into the car.
Than I say: "I'm a starship captain."
The girls look alarmed.
We hear Michael Caine's voice from nowhere saying: "Right. Are we all settled in? We can begin. My name is..."

I interrupt to say: "Captain Jean Luc Picard."

Then the song starts.

"Once

there was a time

when I believed in transporter beams.
Mmm yeah

And once

There was a time

When time travel seemed a realistic theme

Nerdle ner ner ner

But not now

Ner ner ner

Now Im resigned

To the kind of life I've always reserved

For other starship captains

Less smart than I

You know

The ones who always end up married to Green Orion Slave girls.

Oh come on

Everybody knows that force fields are a crock

Just like a space ship going at light speed could never stop

But the more I live through

The more I find

I'm becoming more like William Shatner

Ner ner ner ner ner

Once

There was a time

When a man in a chicken suit was a stunningly realistic special effect

Mmm yes

And once

There was a ti-i-i-ime

When Captain Kirk groping the lady characters was politically correct

But not now

Now we've redefined

What's real

And what's accepti-bulllll
Ner ner ner

With the net result

The ratings declined

And the universe has become incredibly bloody dull

Oh come on

Everybody knows that time travel is a mess

Just like phasers are  ridic-u-lous

But the more I live through

The more I find

I'm becoming more like William Shatner

(Except for the hair)

Nrt ner ner ner ner ner"