the mousetrap

The mouse moved in shortly before Christmas.

I didn't have the heart to evict him.

He seems to live in the piano and occasionally likes to scare the bejabers out of me by stirring around in the big armchair when I'm reclining in it. (Reclining in the armchair not the piano.)

The dogs and the budgie and the parrot have accepted him.

He like the rest of us got his own special Xmas dinner and a new year's dinner (set down on the floor for him) as the holiday season advanced.

As we reached mid January I finally visited a hardware store with a view to ending his sojourn.

"I'm looking for something to get rid of a mouse," quoth me.

"Here's what we have," said the macho storeman, indicating an appalling array of products.

"I mean something that won't hurt him," sez I.

The storeman did not keep the bemusement from his eyes.

"I can order a trap that will confine him, and you can release him outside," quoth he.

"That would be great," sez I.

"In the meantime you might want to try one of these," sez he, "It emits a sonic beam that is only harmful to mice. It should drive him away. It will also drive away spiders and ants."

I placed an order for the humane trap (Mousane surely? - Ed note) but hedged my bets by buying the sonic device.

I took it home and plugged it in.

That was a week ago.

The mouse still lives in the piano and still enjoys rustling about in the armchair when I'm lying in it.

He has given no indication that the sonic device causes him any discomfort.

But two huge hairy spiders have decamped from behind the wall tapestries and moved out of the living room. One has taken up residence in the kitchen. The other is in my bedroom.

This is not an improvement on my situation.