sensational news from palestine

 

There was astonishment in the international community today when pop singer Jonah Lewie was elected president of Palestine, in delayed elections in the Gaza Strip and West Bank.

Mr Lewie was standing on a campaign platform of "stopping the cavalry."

He has vowed to stand for all the presidencies of the planet earth on the same platform.

"What the f---!" commented Ayatollah Ali Khameini of the Islamic Republic of Iran who for some years has been running Gaza through Iran's proxies in the Hamas movement.

The Ayatollah affirmed to reporters that while President of Palestine, Mr Lewie would also be permitted to stand for elections in Iran as long as he fulfilled certain basic requirements, ie possessing Iranian citizenship, converting to the peaceloving religion of Islam, and not having had his head cut off.

Any putative candidacy for Iranian elections would also depend on what mood the other Ayatollahs were in on election morning, the Ayatollah Khameini pointed out.

Cheeky chappie Russian President Vladimir Putin expressed some encouragement for President Lewie.

"He should stand in America," Mr Putin told reporters. "I think he might do very well. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink."

A reporter who asked Mr Putin whether Mr Lewie might fare even better in presidential elections in Russia, Ukraine, Georgia or Belarus was escorted from the press conference with suspected Covid 19 symptoms.