a star is born

Driving south through the mists of a gentle October.
Wintery light on the fields.
I am in a mild reverie.
Suddenly an authoritative voice booming from the radio arrests my attention.
The voice says:
"People are still having sex..."
The voice is filled with a fine portentousness.
A thumping backbeat informs me this is a song.
The song continues conversationally enough:
"Have you noticed that people are still having sex?
Dugga dung, dugga dung.
All the denouncement had absolutely no effect.
Dugga dung, dugga dung."
The mighty Heelers listens keenly. He senses he is on the verge of a great discovery. Yes folks, it doesn't take me long to realise that this song is indeed something rare and precious. A veritable jewel. For this exquisite nonce is a prime contender for a spot on that most sought after of hit parades: Songs So Bad, They're Good.
'Dugga dung, dugga dung,' is the techno backbeat by the way.
Nifty isn't it?
But I digress.
The singer of People Are Still Having Sex delivers his message with an almost epic resonance. It's as though he believes he is sharing some magnificent new wisdom. Or reciting Shakespeare. Or initiating us into an esoteric science. In any case he's really putting his heart and soul into it.
My jaw drops as he recites with triumphant elan:
"Parents and counsellors constantly scorn them.
But people are still having sex and nothing can stop them."
This bold readers is one of my favourite lyrics in the history of popular music.
As I reach the old chateau I am wearing a grin a mile wide.
And hark.
On the chilly air.
It is Heelers himself singing.
If you had passed near our leaf fringed avenue at this moment on Sunday, you might have heard my rich baritone voice complete with techno sound effects, proclaiming with strange high sincerity:
"People are still having sex.
Dugga dung, dugga dung.
Only a fool would disagree.
Dugga dung, dugga dung.
But if people are still having sex,
Dugga dung, dugga dung,
Why aren't they having it with me?
Dugga dung, dugga dung."