sensitivity training with uncle heelers

1. You must never ever mention Barack Obama's middle name in case anybody thinks the fact that Muslim converts take a Muslim middle name implies that Barack Obama's Muslim middle name is a sign that he's a Muslim convert. You must never suggest that when Barack Obama's Muslim Daddy took young Barack to live in a third world Muslim country and Barack returned with the Muslim middle name Hussein, that this meant some sort of arcane initiation ceremony into the peaceloving religion of Islam had taken place. Lotsa people come back from holiday with Muslim middle names. And hey. CNN girly girl correspondent Campbell Brown yesterday chirpily informed the world: "Of course Barack is Christian." Well stop the press Ma Kettle. We can all sleep easy now. If Barack has passed the CNN Christianity test he must be on a par with Saint John of the Cross. Although one thing doesn't quite add up. The founder of CNN has described Christianity as a religion for losers. So why is Campbell Brown sounding so chipper when she describes CNN's official Presidential nominee as a Christian? Maybe she's rooting against him. No. Can't be. She works for CNN. So maybe it's just she knows something we don't.
(Actually Barrack Obama is the official Presidential nominee of the Democratic Party of the United States and not of CNN. - Ed note)

2. Never ever mention Barack Obama's long association with racist Pastor Jeremiah Wright. It's racist to mention Barack Obama's intimate connections to this racist. Nor should you mention that Barack Obama's friend Jeremiah Wright has accused the American government of developing the Aids virus to kill black people.

3. Never ever mention that the Acorn group has been inventing voters for Barack Obama in key battleground States by filling out multiple registration forms for children, dead people, and delinquents. Mentioning this is racist.

4. Never ever mention Barack Obama's friendship with Bill Ayers who bombed the Pentagon in the 1960's.

5. Never ever mention Barack Obama's treacherous attempts to undermine America during the War On Terror. Never ever mention Barack Obama's attempts to withdraw the American army from Iraq and allow the Iranians to absorb that country. Never ever mention Barack Obama's attempts to prevent President Bush from overthrowing Saddam Hussein (nice name, eh Barack?) and his two gentle peaceloving human-beings-in-acid-baths-torturing sons Uday and Qusay. Never ever mention that Barack Obama was Osama Bin Laden's last best hope when the American army kept defeating the invincible hordes of Islam on the battlefield. Never ever mention these things because to do so would be racist. Why it would be worse. It would be negative campaigning. You know how much CNN, NBC, CBS, and ABC hate negative campaigning? They hate it a staggering amount. They find it offensive. Unless of course they themselves are the ones doing it. Oh they were quite bizarrely negative when it came to trying to weaken the Bush Presidency with perpetual reportage of losses in Iraq and Afghanistan. Remember Dan Rather, formerly of CBS, reading out the names of the American war dead one after another? Remember how everyone knew it was a manoeuvre to try and discredit the President? Remember how American soldiers were more disgusted than anyone else at the faux gravitas of Mr Rather's intonation? Remember. Never forget. What was it the great traitors of CNN et Al, proclaimed? Oh yes. They said: "Bush lied, people died." What heroes they are. In the face of an Islamist assault upon our freedoms, CNN and the free news stations of the West, sought to criminalise our President. And now they have the gall to whine about negative campaigning. To hell with them.