a moment of gentle introspection
Why did I ever allow the Johnston Press to think I was working for them?
What on earth was I doing permitting a rag like the Leinster Leader to associate itself with my name?
How could I have contemplated having anything to do with people of their ilk?
Think about it.
Ireland's greatest living poet working for a thing called the Johnston Press.
What possible motive could I have had for allowing such a shower of low rent parvenus to form the mistaken, nay deluded, opinion that they were in a position to fire me?
Why did I do it?
We have to wonder gentle travellers of the internet.
Scholars of the future are going to look back and exclaim: "What the hell was Heelers thinking of?"
You can understand the dilemma for the scholars.
You've got to look at it from the point of view of posterity.
In all modesty, it's going to look well nigh incomprehensible that a man of my sublime and enlightened genius ever had anything to do with such unconscionable scruff.
Sort of like if Aristotle had taken a job as a barrow boy working for a bunch of Hampstead spivs.
"Coo blimey, Missus Mulligan, fancy an esoteric insight into the phenomenological nature of the universe?"
Ah it makes me mad.
What was I thinking of?
And am I bitter?
But what have I to be bitter about?
Geniuses do not obsess about the fate of spivs.
True, I'm told the share price of the Johnstown Press has had something of a collapse since the great men fired me.
Yes, my spies in the Leinster Leader say things haven't entirely gone swimmingly there either.
I wonder did their readership fall without me?
I wonder was there a massive slowdown in advertising revenue?
I wonder was there a haemorrhage of staff who weren't totally delighted with the way I was treated?
And does anybody seriously think the Leinster Leader will last five years without me?
Does anybody seriously think the Johnston Press isn't on the verge of disappearing entirely?
I wonder.
But the principal question remains.
Why the hell did I ever allow such worthless entities as the Johnston Press and the Leinster Leader to pose as my employers?
By entities I mean gits.
Let's face it.
The most magnificent thing any of those people will accomplish in their mediocre miserable mercantilist lives will be to fire me.
Aside from their contact with me, history could have had no interest in them.
I have built them a monument more lasting than bronze.
What on earth was I doing permitting a rag like the Leinster Leader to associate itself with my name?
How could I have contemplated having anything to do with people of their ilk?
Think about it.
Ireland's greatest living poet working for a thing called the Johnston Press.
What possible motive could I have had for allowing such a shower of low rent parvenus to form the mistaken, nay deluded, opinion that they were in a position to fire me?
Why did I do it?
We have to wonder gentle travellers of the internet.
Scholars of the future are going to look back and exclaim: "What the hell was Heelers thinking of?"
You can understand the dilemma for the scholars.
You've got to look at it from the point of view of posterity.
In all modesty, it's going to look well nigh incomprehensible that a man of my sublime and enlightened genius ever had anything to do with such unconscionable scruff.
Sort of like if Aristotle had taken a job as a barrow boy working for a bunch of Hampstead spivs.
"Coo blimey, Missus Mulligan, fancy an esoteric insight into the phenomenological nature of the universe?"
Ah it makes me mad.
What was I thinking of?
And am I bitter?
But what have I to be bitter about?
Geniuses do not obsess about the fate of spivs.
True, I'm told the share price of the Johnstown Press has had something of a collapse since the great men fired me.
Yes, my spies in the Leinster Leader say things haven't entirely gone swimmingly there either.
I wonder did their readership fall without me?
I wonder was there a massive slowdown in advertising revenue?
I wonder was there a haemorrhage of staff who weren't totally delighted with the way I was treated?
And does anybody seriously think the Leinster Leader will last five years without me?
Does anybody seriously think the Johnston Press isn't on the verge of disappearing entirely?
I wonder.
But the principal question remains.
Why the hell did I ever allow such worthless entities as the Johnston Press and the Leinster Leader to pose as my employers?
By entities I mean gits.
Let's face it.
The most magnificent thing any of those people will accomplish in their mediocre miserable mercantilist lives will be to fire me.
Aside from their contact with me, history could have had no interest in them.
I have built them a monument more lasting than bronze.
posted by heelers | 1:05 AM
6 Comments:
Heelers,
Did they or did they not fire you?
Avid Fan
I fired them Avid.
Every last one of the bast--ds.
James
Well - if they did fire you - what was their reason? I have an inquiring mind and a need to know all. It's a form of Gnosticism....
I already googled them and read up on all their publications as well as read up on your wonderful little town which is getting over run by evil developers building big houses on little lots and cutting down trees (not just at your church)
It's my way of getting to know my new friend....
You'll have to wait for the film version Adrienne!
Or failing that have a browse through certain of the more satirical posts in the archives.
Starting with April 22nd 2006.
October/November 2007 was also a particularly rich satire season...
J
Oh, but this is wonderful stuff. And as a member of what's laughingly referred to as a chapel at the Blackpool Gazette, all power to your pen, man. Adrienne - it's just a matter of time before they fire us all. Or go to the wall. Heelers was merely fleeter of foot..
Hey there Saveblackpool.
I find a mention of the evil empire always helps to bump up the ratings at the end of the month, as their minions and dragoons scramble to dissect whatever it is I've written.
Be well!
James
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