an open letter to john fry the incoming chief executive of the johnston press

I've allowed you a quiet first week in your new job to settle in.
A week should be enough.
Now it's time for you to send your underlings to fetch the Heelers file.
Make sure they bring you everything.
All of it.
You're not going to want any surprises when you're dealing with me.
You're going to read up on your history.
Then you're going to make a career decision.
It's sometimes difficult for people with ten million quid in the bank and with hundreds of thousands of quid a year coming in by way of pension entitlements, free shares, and salary plus bonuses, it's sometimes difficult I say, for people like you, to appreciate the situation of people like me, on twenty grand a year plus nothing who get fired when we're forty by some faceless scruff hireling of a British company that we never agreed to work for in the first place.
I'm going to teach you what people like me have to deal with Fry.
Pay close attention.
Congratulations on your appointment as Whatever It Is at the Johnston Press.
Now you start to work for a living.
James Healy
PS: Your legal advisers at Hyman Roberts of Glasgow have been sniffing around my website. You're going to have to look for new legal advisers Fry. That name is verging on the obscene. Don't you know it's a very private part of the female anatomy? Why, it's practically the last taboo. Roberts indeed. Would you really let someone called Roberts represent you? You know women sometimes take profound offence at the merest mention of that name in mixed company. And there are deeper social issues Fry. In some Muslim countries, young girls are forced to have their Robertses sewn up to preserve the illusion of virginity. It's a most inappapropriate name for any company associated with you. Can you imagine your Mr Roberts addressing the court? There'll be pandemonium. Shades of Snipcock And Tweed, eh Fry?
PPS: As far as I'm concerned your all a bunch of Robertses.