The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Name:
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

the monica leech laugh in

I'm not sure if it's legal anymore to write the words Monica and Leech in the one sentence in the Republic of Ireland.
Independent Newspapers has just been instructed by Judge Liberal to pay someone called Monica Leech nearly two million quid.
The liberal libel award followed Independent Newspapers attempts at reportage of a situation whereby a Fianna Fail government Minister paid someone called Monica Leech hundreds of thousands of Euros in State money for developing a website no one ever visited.
I hope I have that right.
Otherwise someone called Monica Leech is going to have a lien on the Heelers fortune.
I hope she'll give the hamster a good home.
Ah that hamster's worth a million dollars.
A million I tell ya.
She's lovely.
You should see the dignity God has crafted into her. The perfectly shaped ears. The lovely russet golden sheen on the fur. The tickly twitchy whiskers. The delicate little hands that can grab a cheese slice faster than a speeding bullet.
This is craftsmanship.
Craftsmanship in a creature.
Proof of the existence of the divine.
Yes she's lovely.
Just to be clear. I mean Hammy is lovely. Not Monica Leech.
Nor am I implying in any way that Monica Leech has had a relationship with Hammy.
Nor am I suggesting that Monical Leech would seriously accept my hamster in payment for any libel award which Judge Liberal may decide to give her after reading this.
But I digress.
You can see a certain problem here.
Quite apart from me finding myself on the same side as Independent Scruffpapers.
None of us are now sure what we can or cannot say.
For instance...
Is it legal to ask any government minister as to the nature of his relationship with anyone whose name rhymes with Zonica Zeech?
Is it legal to enquire publically as to whether any government minister was behaving entirely appropriately in his professional dealings with someone whose first name is that of Ross's sister in Friends and whose last name in French is Volauvent?
(Heelz would you just look it up. - Ed note.)
Is it legal to speculate as to the manner in which any government minister awarded a government contract to a person who may share a first name with Saint Augustine's mother and whose last name is a synonym for a blood sucking, er, leech?
The enigmas endure.

Basil Fawlty note to journalists: Whatever you do, don't mention Monica Leech. I mentioned her once but I think I got away with it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home