our television listings

RTE1
(The Irish national fraudcaster.)
4.25 Murder She Wrote. Jessica retires from crime solving and takes up gardening. Unfortunately there's a murder while she's attending a gardening convention. I don't know. Either that woman is jinxed or she's doing the murders herself.
5.20 Hachuant. I mean Nuacht.
5.30 The Bill. Officer Okarno has to be restrained by Tony and Roger after a violent outburst. Who are these people?
6.00 The Angelus. RTE's bell ringing sop to believing Christians.
6.01 News And Weather. Hint: The news will be from an anti Catholic atheistic left wing perspective, and the weather will be raining.
7.00 Nationwide. Also known as The Daily Blah.
7.30 The Reel Deal. Traditional music for masochists.
8.00 Eastenders. Corrrrrr blimey. So many cor blimeys. The only thing missing is Andrea Corr. Cor blimey.
8.30 Rachel Allen: Bake! Half baked more like. This week, yoghurt cake.
9.00 News. More from those lovable atheistic abortionist fembo commie pinko divorcenik contrareceiving condom culturist newsreaders. In case you missed it two hours ago.
9.30 The Boys And Girl From County Clare. Unwatchable comedy film from 2003 made with National Lottery and tax payers funding. Meaning I financed it, against my will. Andrea Corr stars. She should be in Eastenders. See above.
11.05 Sinatra: A Song For The FBI. Documentary about Led Zeppelin's darker side.
12.05 Head In The Clouds. Film drama from 2004. Recommended viewing by the Irish Times television critic. Do you need to hear more? It's time we all started watching the BBC instead. You get a better class of left wing atheist abortionist fembo commie pinko divorcenik contrareceiving condom culturist at the Beeb.
2.05 Monk. Monk pits his wits against a psychotic chess grand master. I kid you not. That's the plot. He only solves the crime minutes from the end when Jessica Fletcher returns from her gardening convention and helps him out.
3.00 Telly Bingo. RTE's weighted hint that it's time for bed.