The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, November 16, 2009


Morning in the garden at the old chateau.
Ring tailed dove and robin and chaffinch and numerous little tweety birds.
Most cheering.
I decide to drive into Naas.
As I drive a cat bolts from the hedge in front of the car.
I brake.
She makes it to the other side.
That's good luck.
Particularly for the cat.
A wave of delight sweeps over me.
Not just that the cat survived.
But that I didn't cause an accident with the car behind me by braking to save the cat.
Make for the Costa Cafe which is located in Barkers Rude Dude Where's My Car Booksellers Bookshop.
Happy few hours quaffing.
Get up to go to the loo.
You need to obtain a key at the counter to use the toilets here.
I don't bother.
Sometimes it's open.
So it proves.
I'm leaving the loo as another chap arrives clutching the key.
I recognise him from somewhere.
"How the f--- did you get in without a key?" he cries jovially in a profane Liverpool accent.
"Ah there's ways and means," I answer without fear or rancour.
I'm still trying to figure out who it is.
The answer comes to me.
It is the British comedian Roy Chubby Brown, who is a tad famous for the vulgarity of his stage act.
I return in a state of bemusement to the Costa for one more coffee.
Roy Chubby Brown.
Well I never.
Roy Chubby Brown asked me how the f--k I got into the toilet at Barkers without a key.
It's a rum old world.
It was much later tonight when I realised the guy was actually Mr Paul Winters, formerly Lights and Effects Man at the Riverbank theatre, Newbridge, and yes, also a native of Liverpool whose appearance is not entirely dissimilar to Roy Chubby Brown's.
My disappointment was palpable.


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