today they said
(Live from the Copenhagan summit on Climate Change.)
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Evo Morales (President of Bolivia): I teenk climate change ees a beeg problem. Si. In my country I ave been applying a failed system of communeest deektatorsheep for de last few years. But thees ees not what makes Bolivia poor. No. Ees de climate change. My failed Staleeneest policies are not de cause. I want free money for me and my dictatorship, I mean deektatorsheep. Free money from de rest of de wurlll. Tank you.
Raul Castro (President of Cuba): I agree wit Evo. About everyteeng. We have had fifty years of murderous communist atheistic dictatorship in Cooba. But dis is not why our country is peeess poor. Iss de rest of de wurrrlll an its carbon. We wanna da free money juss like Boleeveea. So we can continooo our murders an dictatorin an lockin up de wrydoors an de journaleests. Tank you.
Hugo Chavez (President of Venezuela): Allo gringos. George Bush is de devil. Gimme da free money. My country is poor because of all dose free western democracies. Sure I am a murdering dictator who has propped up the Farc terror army in neighbouring Columbia for de years. But hey. Who hasn't? You canna make a Marxian omelette widout breakin a few humanitarian eggs. Know whad I mean, gringos? We Venezuelans are a dictatorsheep but dat's not why we're poor. We're poor cos o you gringos. Gimme da money. Gimme da money for da climate change or I'll unleash my Russian sponsored army of turd world killers on alla youse. You doity rats. You doity rats. Made it Ma. Top of the world. Grassy ass.
Omar Hassan Ahmed Al Bashir (President of Sudan): Allah u akbar. Give me your money and I'll give you Islam. Nyah ha ha G-Force. Sudan is not poor because of my fifty year Islamist dictatorship. Sudan is not poor because I've murdered three million people in the south of my country in a civil war. Sudan is not poor because I've murdered three hundred thousand people in the north west of my country in another civil war. Sudan is not poor because I've run it as a Soviet camp for three decades and as an Islamist camp for two more. Sudan is poor because of climate change. Allah told me in a dream that I can kill whoever I like. I can wipe out the whole population of Sudan. And the west must still give me free money because of this made up con job we murdering dictators call climate change. When your luck's in, why fight it!
King Hassan (Ruler of Morococococococco): Morocco is not poor because of my fifty year war of extermination against the people of Western Sahara. It's the climate change dunnit. Gimme da free money.
Umbootoo (Ruler of the Congo): Millions dead. In just a few years. Millions. The horror. The horror. If you people still believed in God, you'd know satan when you saw him. He is very close now. Do you think the diabolic tide of slaughter will stop in Africa? I will accept any free money you send me on account of non existent climate changes. But look at my country. And turn back to your God of light and truth. You will need him soon. Heaven help us all.
Colonel Gadaffy (Psycho in Chief, Libya): Libya's endemic poverty and decultured psychotisised people have nothing to do with the pyschotic religion of Islam or with my own psychotic family of psychotic loon loon loons. Our failure during fifty years of murderous dictatorship to deliver a better standard of living or civilisation to our country in spite of massive oil wealth, is solely the result of climate change. Hannibal, put down that human skull. Bad boy. Bad. I've told you before not to kill people in the living room. Hannibal's my eldest. Such a chore. No decorum at all. Free money from the west to compensate me for climate change. Whoopee. I honestly didn't see that one coming. Last train to transcentral. Justified ancients of Mu Mu. Where were we?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of the Islamic Republic of Iran): Boom.
Jose Eduardo Dos Santos (President of Angola): Some of these third world wimps are trying to steal my thunder. They're also rans. They don't know how to really enslave and impoverish a population. They're just amateur mass murderers. I've been imposing Marxian dictatorship on Angola for six decades. I even got the United Nations to say one of my elections was free and fair in 1992. The same United Nations that rubbished the American backed democracy in Afghanistan. I kid you not. Ha, ha, ha. I've waged civil war throughout that time. Western democracies are to blame. How dare they create wealth and dignity for their populations while I was murdering mine. Now all these African and Arab scum are trying to get in at the ground floor of my victim culture routine. Everybody wants to get into the act. Well listen to me. I got worse climate change than anybody. Show me the money. Show me the money. Show me the moneeeeeeeey.
Robert Mugabe (President of Zimbabwe): Zimbabwe is not poor because of my thirty year Marxian dictatorship. Nor is it poor because I've imposed precisely the same communist system on my people that the Russians figured out was a crock of shite two decades ago. Nor is it poor because of the murders my police officers commit. Why, they're nearly as bad as Irish police officers at this stage. But I digress. Zimbabwe is not poor because I have forced four million people to flee the country. Zimbabwe isn't poor because I seized land from white farmers. No. Such domestic terrorism is good for a country. Nor is Zimbabwe poor because my Stalinist economic policies have shut down the economy. No. None of my murderous mismanagement is the cause. Zimbabwe is poor simply and solely because of climate change. The western world must now give me free money so that I can continue to debase an entire nation in the style to which I've become accustomed. Exit... Stage left... Ululating...
Hu Jin Tao (President of China): Climate change, is velly nice way of impeding the democlatisation of the planet earth while distlacting attention from the war on tellor. Me likee very much. China is nice dlictatorship. Tlue, we plop up the govelment of Sudan and lun North Kolea as a Chinese plovince with the explicit purpose of destabilising democlacies on our borders. Tlue we also sponsor Maoist rebellions in India and Nepal. And you should see what we do to Tibetans when they start tlying to lepudiate our invasion of their country. But aside flom that, we velly nice. No ploblems here. Move along now. Or I'll shoot you.
Vladimir Putin (President of Russia): If it inconveniences America then I'm for it. I am resovietising Russia. I am establishing collaborative links with Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales, Castro's Cuba, the vomitous Saudis, and the Islamic Republic of Iran. I am determined to put Russia on the wrong side of history. I am sheltering the Polonium 90 murderer of dissident Boris Lugevoy in the Russian parliament. I have instructed nuclear bombers to begin threatening western Europe again with provocative overflights. Tell Agent 99 to hurry up and seduce Heelers. Some of this stuff is starting to get a bit embarassing.
John Fry (Chief Executive Officer of the Johnston Press): I'm a c---.
Gordon Brown (Prime Minister of Great Britain): I'd rather believe in climate change than recognise the genuine threat to humanity now arising from dysfunctions in the Muslim world as evidenced by the ongoing infiltration of Al Qaeda murder armies into Western Europe via people traffickers. Honestly, I'm just useless.
Nicholas Sarkozy (President of France): I am also, ow you say, useless.
Barack Obama (President of the United States of America): Those guys may be useless but I'm groovy.
James Healy: Climate change is a lie based on fake science. It began as an attempt by atheistic environmentalists to invent an atheistic apocalypse. It really took off when declining left wing media groups began to champion it. Appeasers like Al Gore latched on, sensing an opportunity to diminish President Bush's war on the terror armies of Islam. Impoverished third world countries latched on looking for hand outs. Corrupt financial institutions were happy to embrace the myth, as they sensed the possibility of huge profits trading the nonsensical carbon credits which advocates of the fiction were proposing to use to control emissions. All of their motivations were and are based on falsehood. False science. False economics. False thinking. There is no climate change. If the weather turns on us, it will be because God is punishing us for our abortion culture, our promiscuity culture, our drugs culture, our society wide sex abuse culture, our murder culture, our dictatorships, our pornography, our enslavement of men, women and children to the pleasure ethic, our abuse of the elderly in old folks homes, our hatred of all that is good, our failure to show love. I agree with the leader of the Congo whom I made up. It would behove us now to ask God if he's real, and if he is real, to ask him for mercy, conversion and peace.
******************************
Evo Morales (President of Bolivia): I teenk climate change ees a beeg problem. Si. In my country I ave been applying a failed system of communeest deektatorsheep for de last few years. But thees ees not what makes Bolivia poor. No. Ees de climate change. My failed Staleeneest policies are not de cause. I want free money for me and my dictatorship, I mean deektatorsheep. Free money from de rest of de wurlll. Tank you.
Raul Castro (President of Cuba): I agree wit Evo. About everyteeng. We have had fifty years of murderous communist atheistic dictatorship in Cooba. But dis is not why our country is peeess poor. Iss de rest of de wurrrlll an its carbon. We wanna da free money juss like Boleeveea. So we can continooo our murders an dictatorin an lockin up de wrydoors an de journaleests. Tank you.
Hugo Chavez (President of Venezuela): Allo gringos. George Bush is de devil. Gimme da free money. My country is poor because of all dose free western democracies. Sure I am a murdering dictator who has propped up the Farc terror army in neighbouring Columbia for de years. But hey. Who hasn't? You canna make a Marxian omelette widout breakin a few humanitarian eggs. Know whad I mean, gringos? We Venezuelans are a dictatorsheep but dat's not why we're poor. We're poor cos o you gringos. Gimme da money. Gimme da money for da climate change or I'll unleash my Russian sponsored army of turd world killers on alla youse. You doity rats. You doity rats. Made it Ma. Top of the world. Grassy ass.
Omar Hassan Ahmed Al Bashir (President of Sudan): Allah u akbar. Give me your money and I'll give you Islam. Nyah ha ha G-Force. Sudan is not poor because of my fifty year Islamist dictatorship. Sudan is not poor because I've murdered three million people in the south of my country in a civil war. Sudan is not poor because I've murdered three hundred thousand people in the north west of my country in another civil war. Sudan is not poor because I've run it as a Soviet camp for three decades and as an Islamist camp for two more. Sudan is poor because of climate change. Allah told me in a dream that I can kill whoever I like. I can wipe out the whole population of Sudan. And the west must still give me free money because of this made up con job we murdering dictators call climate change. When your luck's in, why fight it!
King Hassan (Ruler of Morococococococco): Morocco is not poor because of my fifty year war of extermination against the people of Western Sahara. It's the climate change dunnit. Gimme da free money.
Umbootoo (Ruler of the Congo): Millions dead. In just a few years. Millions. The horror. The horror. If you people still believed in God, you'd know satan when you saw him. He is very close now. Do you think the diabolic tide of slaughter will stop in Africa? I will accept any free money you send me on account of non existent climate changes. But look at my country. And turn back to your God of light and truth. You will need him soon. Heaven help us all.
Colonel Gadaffy (Psycho in Chief, Libya): Libya's endemic poverty and decultured psychotisised people have nothing to do with the pyschotic religion of Islam or with my own psychotic family of psychotic loon loon loons. Our failure during fifty years of murderous dictatorship to deliver a better standard of living or civilisation to our country in spite of massive oil wealth, is solely the result of climate change. Hannibal, put down that human skull. Bad boy. Bad. I've told you before not to kill people in the living room. Hannibal's my eldest. Such a chore. No decorum at all. Free money from the west to compensate me for climate change. Whoopee. I honestly didn't see that one coming. Last train to transcentral. Justified ancients of Mu Mu. Where were we?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of the Islamic Republic of Iran): Boom.
Jose Eduardo Dos Santos (President of Angola): Some of these third world wimps are trying to steal my thunder. They're also rans. They don't know how to really enslave and impoverish a population. They're just amateur mass murderers. I've been imposing Marxian dictatorship on Angola for six decades. I even got the United Nations to say one of my elections was free and fair in 1992. The same United Nations that rubbished the American backed democracy in Afghanistan. I kid you not. Ha, ha, ha. I've waged civil war throughout that time. Western democracies are to blame. How dare they create wealth and dignity for their populations while I was murdering mine. Now all these African and Arab scum are trying to get in at the ground floor of my victim culture routine. Everybody wants to get into the act. Well listen to me. I got worse climate change than anybody. Show me the money. Show me the money. Show me the moneeeeeeeey.
Robert Mugabe (President of Zimbabwe): Zimbabwe is not poor because of my thirty year Marxian dictatorship. Nor is it poor because I've imposed precisely the same communist system on my people that the Russians figured out was a crock of shite two decades ago. Nor is it poor because of the murders my police officers commit. Why, they're nearly as bad as Irish police officers at this stage. But I digress. Zimbabwe is not poor because I have forced four million people to flee the country. Zimbabwe isn't poor because I seized land from white farmers. No. Such domestic terrorism is good for a country. Nor is Zimbabwe poor because my Stalinist economic policies have shut down the economy. No. None of my murderous mismanagement is the cause. Zimbabwe is poor simply and solely because of climate change. The western world must now give me free money so that I can continue to debase an entire nation in the style to which I've become accustomed. Exit... Stage left... Ululating...
Hu Jin Tao (President of China): Climate change, is velly nice way of impeding the democlatisation of the planet earth while distlacting attention from the war on tellor. Me likee very much. China is nice dlictatorship. Tlue, we plop up the govelment of Sudan and lun North Kolea as a Chinese plovince with the explicit purpose of destabilising democlacies on our borders. Tlue we also sponsor Maoist rebellions in India and Nepal. And you should see what we do to Tibetans when they start tlying to lepudiate our invasion of their country. But aside flom that, we velly nice. No ploblems here. Move along now. Or I'll shoot you.
Vladimir Putin (President of Russia): If it inconveniences America then I'm for it. I am resovietising Russia. I am establishing collaborative links with Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales, Castro's Cuba, the vomitous Saudis, and the Islamic Republic of Iran. I am determined to put Russia on the wrong side of history. I am sheltering the Polonium 90 murderer of dissident Boris Lugevoy in the Russian parliament. I have instructed nuclear bombers to begin threatening western Europe again with provocative overflights. Tell Agent 99 to hurry up and seduce Heelers. Some of this stuff is starting to get a bit embarassing.
John Fry (Chief Executive Officer of the Johnston Press): I'm a c---.
Gordon Brown (Prime Minister of Great Britain): I'd rather believe in climate change than recognise the genuine threat to humanity now arising from dysfunctions in the Muslim world as evidenced by the ongoing infiltration of Al Qaeda murder armies into Western Europe via people traffickers. Honestly, I'm just useless.
Nicholas Sarkozy (President of France): I am also, ow you say, useless.
Barack Obama (President of the United States of America): Those guys may be useless but I'm groovy.
James Healy: Climate change is a lie based on fake science. It began as an attempt by atheistic environmentalists to invent an atheistic apocalypse. It really took off when declining left wing media groups began to champion it. Appeasers like Al Gore latched on, sensing an opportunity to diminish President Bush's war on the terror armies of Islam. Impoverished third world countries latched on looking for hand outs. Corrupt financial institutions were happy to embrace the myth, as they sensed the possibility of huge profits trading the nonsensical carbon credits which advocates of the fiction were proposing to use to control emissions. All of their motivations were and are based on falsehood. False science. False economics. False thinking. There is no climate change. If the weather turns on us, it will be because God is punishing us for our abortion culture, our promiscuity culture, our drugs culture, our society wide sex abuse culture, our murder culture, our dictatorships, our pornography, our enslavement of men, women and children to the pleasure ethic, our abuse of the elderly in old folks homes, our hatred of all that is good, our failure to show love. I agree with the leader of the Congo whom I made up. It would behove us now to ask God if he's real, and if he is real, to ask him for mercy, conversion and peace.
posted by heelers | 2:03 AM
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