great moments in bathos

Afternoon at the chateau.

Heelers sitting in the front room reading an Hungarian phrasebook.

Did you know, gentle travellers of the internet, that if a Hungarian girl says to you: "I want to eat your heart," she is in fact declaring her love for you.

Not many people know that.

Just me and Michael Caine.

And now you.

My little nephew Tom beetles in.

He wants to show me his money.

"Look what I've got," he says, counting out a stack of Euro coins.

His face is bright with innocence.

"I've got five ones," he explains, "and seven twos. That's nearly, that's nearly..."

I do my good uncle routine.

"You're very good at counting Tom," I tell him. "That's nearly a full twenty Euros."

After some more of these heart warming exchanges he toddles off to his own house and I return to my exploration of the unknowable lingo that is Hungarian.

From somewhere behind a crossword the Mammy pipes up.

"You know the kid got that money from your bedroom," she says conversationally.

My finely honed preraphaelite features take on a momentarily gothic veneer.

And the soundtrack from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly goes: "Aieeeaieeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."