mucho ado about nothing

Showing The Perfect Fit around the Newbridge Silverware Hollywood museum.

"It ees quite posh," muses she spanishily.

"Look over there," I instruct.

Her Spanish eyes follow my finger to a little alcove where pictures from something called The Sunday World Nude Photo Shoot are displayed.

It is a sad tacky joyless objectification of the self loathing hoors who have been so photographed.

"They may be posh," I murmur, "but they ain't got no class."

The Perfect Fit shrugs her Spanish shoulders.

"I teenk you are a leetle beet repressed," she sighs.

Normally I'd never let anyone away with calling me a little beet.

But she's a special case.

We wander over to a display featuring cast members from the old low brow television sub porn soap opera Dallas.

"Oh my God," says the Perfect Fit, "it's Jota Erre."

She pronounces the incomprehensible nonsense words "Jota Erre," to sound like something even more incomprehensible, ie "Hoe-ta Air-ay."

After some confusion on my part she explains that these are the Spanish letters J and R.

So the character JR in Dallas is known in Spain as Hoe-ta Air-ay.

As soon as the Perfect Fit has finished conveying to me this rather difficult concept, I fall about the place laughing.

I can just imagine how Sue Ellen must have sounded berating JR in Spanish during the custody battle for their son John Ross.

"Hoe-ta Air-ay," she would have hissed venomously, "you will never get custody of Hoe-ta-ohn Air-ay-oss."

In other news, the Perfect Fit confirmed that the Spanish refer to Kermit the Frog from The Muppet Show as Gustavus Frog, and to Side Show Bob from The Simpsons as Secondario Actor Bob.

I found all of this quite quite thrilling.