The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, October 06, 2011

the men who would be king

The new format for Irish Presidential debates features all seven candidates singing show tunes together. In last night's debate the candidates sang The Farmer And The Cowman Should Be Friends from the much loved musical Oklahoma. Commentators have already pronounced the new format a success. True, it was woeful. But no more woeful than when they actually try to discuss some serious political issues.

Moderator Pat Kenny, an oleaginous atheistic scruff, takes the microphone.
"Oh the hoor masters and the Marxists should be friends
Sharing their Irish Times and Irish Independends
One man likes to abort a baby
The other hates priests as though he's got rabies
But that don't mean that we cannot be friends."

Enter Jim Mitchell of Fine Gael dressed as a cowboy.

Jim Mitchell of Fine Gael:
"I'd like to say a word without rancour
For every corrupt thievin gypsy banker
They're very much misunderstood
Just for being hoods
I know cos I asked my cousin the famous gangster"

Enter atheistic abortionist Maoist Michael D Higgins of the Labour Party.

Michael D Higgins:
"I'd like to say a word for the Maoists
Not to be confused with the Taoists
We shoot and then we score
Then we shoot 70 million more
But that shouldn't mean I cannot lead you pious Irish bast--ds.".

Mary Davis of the kleptocratic Fianna Fail party swans on disguised as an independent Worzell Gummage:

Mary Davis:
"I'd like to say a word for the kleptocrats
I mean the pseudo elite State appointed bureaucrats
I'm an independent woman
In my Fianna Fail cumann
Waxing fat on kickbacks with the other fatcats."

Sean Gallagher another member of the kleptocratic Fianna Fail party sleazes on pretending to be an Independent.

Sean Gallagher:
"I'd like to say a word for the shleeveens
We're Ireland's ruling class of ethnic gombeens
We thieve and rob your pensions
Then we rob the next generations
And we'll pay off the national debt with magic beeee-ans."

David Norris an advocate of legalised paedophilia who has been claiming disability benfits for his job as a lecturer at Trinity College for twenty years while at the same time drawing several hundred thousand dollars a year in salaries and bonuses for his job as a university appointee to the Irish Senate, enters on a unicycle, simultaneously juggling five paedophiles.

David Norris:
"I'd like to say a word for the child rapists
We're very much poetic Greek escapists
Lay your prejudices aside
There's nowhere left to hide
It could be worse. We could be Amanda Knoxapists."

Dana Rosemary Scallon walks on looking bemused.

Dana: "That last bit didn't really rhyme. You just added apists to Amanda Knox's name."

Audience of leftist pseudo establishment plants: "Boo. Get her off."

Dana: "Christian values? Anyone?"

Audience: "To the guillotine with her. She's last in the polls. She's last in the polls we took in the canteens at Independent Newspapers and RTE and the Irish Times. Boooo. Hiss. Etc etc."

Exit Dana.

Enter former IRA commander Martin McGuinness.

Martin McGuinness: "I believe in peace and equality. If elected, I will endeavour to represent the people of Ireland faithfully as their President."

Audience of atheistic abortionist anti Catholic media hack plants: "Murderer. IRA man. Terrorist! Not one of us! Not one of us! Not one of us!"

Martin McGuinness: "A few years ago you people pledged to forgive those of us who renounced violence. You pledged that if we renounced violence, you would welcome us into the economic, political, cultural, moral and spiritual life of the nation. You pledged specifically that you would not seek short term political advantage over us by using our past against us."

Audience: We lied.

Exit Heelers pursued by a bear.


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