archie has a ball

Evening at the Archbishop's Palace in Dublin.
Archbishop Diarmuid Martin barks from his office.
"Miss Tessbakker, take a letter."
His secretary enters notepad in hand.
Archie begins dictating.
"For the attention of all journalists working in Independent Newspapers, the Irish Times and RTE. From now on I am to be represented as defending priests of the Catholic Church against those wishing to destroy them. The previous strategy of representing me as a firm ally of the media and the only Catholic in Ireland not involved in child abuse, is to be postponed temporarily. It is imperative that we establish the notion in the public mind and in the minds of priests and nuns, that I am on their side in this battle against the atheistic media, ie you. To this end you must focus continuously on my press releases that are critical of media attempts to ruin Father Kevin Reynolds. Continue to ignore the fact that I am forcing priests to take pay cuts in order to finance my network of spies around the Dublin diocese posing as parish workers. Nyah ha ha G-Force. No don't write that Miss Tessbakker. That's just for you and me. Nyah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, hee, hee, heee, haaaaaaaaaa, haaaaaaa, haaaaaaaa."