The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

healthy living

Morning in the world.
I pop into the Mannah health food eatery run in Kilcullen by my feminist cousin Pauline.
I find her looking a bit green.
"Whassamatter you? quoth me. "You been eating your own produce again?"
Pauline shakes her head.
"A customer," she explains weakly.
"What did he do?" wonders me.
Pauline struggles to find the words.
"I went to shake his hand and he positively recoiled. He said: I am a Muslim. I cannot touch any woman except my wife."
The noble Heelers takes a deep breath.
"Wahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho heee heee ha ha ha," I murmur comfortingly.
"Oh James," sighs Pauline, "it's like we're chattels to our fathers and our brothers and now this."
I control myself with difficulty.
"In the words of the great Bruce Willis from the first and only good Die Hard film, Welcome to the party pal."
Pauline brightens.
"Actually of all the action heroes, I quite like Bruce Willis," she muses.
"I'm guessing you don't like him for the same reason I like him," I counter. "I mean I'm guessing you're not drawn to the hunting down the terrorists one by one one and killing them mercilessly side of his personality."
"I like his sense of humour," says Pauline.
And there our story peters out.


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