The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

the barack obama sex tapes

(Following the release of a ten year old tape featuring supposedly Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump making lewd vaguely sexualised remarks, the Heelers Diaries is proud to announce the discovery of a purely imaginary such tape featuring President Barack Obama in his university days long before the beginning of his political career. The Obama sex tape purports to record the future President driving around Palm Beach in his "choom wagon," the car he and his frat boy friends used for their day time drug taking activities. By the way, the bit about the drug taking in the car is true. The sledge hammer subtle sex tape satire starts now.)

Barack Obama: "Gimme that joint. Hoo yeah."

Unidentified Friend: "You see that Mama over there?"

Barack:  "I see her. I sure would love to respect her mind."

Unidentified Friend: "She's got it going on."

Barack: "If I was with her, I'd respect her mind all night long. I bet she'd let me too. I'd play the race card. I'd say: Let me respect your mind or you're a racist. They'll let you when you put it like that. You just have to call them racist and they'll let you respect any part of them you want to."

Unidentified Friend: "Hey guys, there's another one. You see her? In the red bikini."

Barack: "I bet her IQ is through the roof. She's the sort of girl who'll be a Supreme Court Judge one day. I'd give anything to see her give a closing statement in court."

Unidentified Friend: "Look, look, there's another."

Barack: "Mercy. I'll bet she has a primary psychology degree from Yale at least. Maybe even Harvard. I'd love to work with her for the betterment of the human race. Whoarghhhh."

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