The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, September 14, 2017

yet another hurricane devastates ireland

(A short satire on the weather reporting style of  CNN, the BBC, RTE, NBC, ABC, the Irish Times, the New York Post, et al, particularly Al. I hate him.)

Hurricane Noirin O'Sullivan has resigned from her role as Chief Of Police in Ireland, leaving a trail of devastation in her wake.
Citing difficulties in concentrating on her work because of a series of ongoing official enquiries into police corruption, Hurricane Noirin scarpered with a lump sum payout in excess of a quarter of a million dollars.
She will also receive an annual pension of about a hundred thousand dollars a year in recognition of her successes in devastating the rule of law in Ireland.
That's Ireland folks.
The only country on earth that pays its hurricanes to devastate them.
I kid you not.
Among the Top Ten things Hurricane Noirin may not have liked being enquired about were:
1. Her possible role in the framing of a hero cop for child abuse.
2. An IRA mafia money laundering racket at the police training school.
3. The deliberate concealment by police of Ireland's stratospheric murder rate, a concealment carried out through the simple expedient of the police not including the murders that were taking place in their formal murder statistics.
4. The falsification of a million roadside tests for drunk driving, ie the cops claimed they'd tested a million people when none of the claimed million tests had taken place. Since a drink driving test kit costs a specific sum, the implication is again that the Irish police had devised yet another money laundering trick around the non existent tests.
5. Hurricane Noirin's refusal to produce any of her mobile phones to any committee of enquiry into police corruption, on the grounds that she couldn't find them. (The mobile phones, not the committees.)
6. Hurricane Noirin's novel solution to public concerns about corruption in the upper ranks of the police force, ie she moved all the precinct chiefs to new precincts.
7. Public concerns about IRA infiltration of the police.
8. Public concerns about other rackateers infiltrating the police.
9. Claims that the police bugged the offices of the organisation charged with monitoring police corruption.
10. Public concerns about a Chief of Police whose husband is also a high ranking police officer.
11. Public concerns about the complete break down of trust between the public and the police force we remunerate so highly.
12. Public concerns about Mafia Judges awarding huge payouts to police officers who claim to have been injured on the job or traumatised by exposure to crime.
13. Public concerns that the police force of the Republic of Ireland is individually and institutionally corrupt.
14. Hurricane Noirin's role as right hand man to her predecessor the infamous Joe Callanan, and the manner in which she came to take the top job when the Irish government had expressly promised not to hire an insider as Chief of Police.
15. Hurricane Noirin's insistence that she would nor resign as scandal after scandal engulfed the Irish Police Force and the exact reasons why the Irish government concluded they couldn't fire her.
16. Hurricane Noirin's failure to deal with the IRA skang gangs currently terrorising every village, town and city in Ireland while simultaneously dealing drugs into every school in Ireland.
18. Public concerns about the framing of socialist parliamentarian Claire Daly on frivolous charges of breaking the speed limit by five miles per hour. Also, public concerns about the police illegally arresting Claire Daly on a warrant issued by Judge Desmond Zaidan. (As a citizen of the Republic of Ireland, I consider Judge Zaidan's behaviour towards Claire Daly to be emblematic of arrant corruption.)
19. Public concerns about the collapse of immigration law amid collusion between elements of the police force and IRA people traffickers.
20. Public concerns about the police failure to combat the war between two IRA drug gangs styled the Hutch Gang and the Kinahan Gang who are currently tearing our country to pieces.
21. Public concerns about the police turning a blind eye to the Triads, Cosa Nostra, MS13, the Zetas, the Russian Mafia, Nigerian devil worship rings, Muslim Gangs, Al Qaeda, Tinker Gangs and of course the IRA and their Sinn Fein proxies in parliament who as Capo's Di Tutti Capi are dividing Ireland up into medieval fiefdoms, allotting respective portions and zones of action to the approxiamately one hundred and thirty major international mafias known to be headquartering here.
22. That's enough Hurricane Noirin. - Ed note.
23. You're right it is. - Heelers note.


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