the most wonderful day of the year

Looking for somewhere to spend my hard earned social welfare cash.
I pause at the door of the Tearman cafe.
Time for a slap up feed washed down with lashings of ginger beer.
I rattle the handle.
The door is locked.
A dark presentiment crosses my mind.
A sign on the door proclaims: "Closed Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday."
My fist bunches bunchingly. (Hands off that word Steyn.)
"The useless ****s," I exclaim exclaimingly. "They don't want to work. The useless ****ing ****s. The lazy *******s. They actually don't ****ing want to work. The ****s."
Of course when I turn around there is a woman standing right behind me with a face on her as though she owned the cee word and I was infringing some arcane copywright.
Either that or she "works" in the Tearman.
With a muttered apology I hurry off.
Excelsior.