The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Sunday, April 01, 2018

the most wonderful day of the year

Looking for somewhere to spend my hard earned social welfare cash.
I pause at the door of the Tearman cafe.
Time for a slap up feed washed down with lashings of ginger beer.
I rattle the handle.
The door is locked.
A dark presentiment crosses my mind.
A sign on the door proclaims: "Closed Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday."
My fist bunches bunchingly. (Hands off that word Steyn.)
"The useless ****s," I exclaim exclaimingly. "They don't want to work. The useless ****ing ****s. The lazy *******s. They actually don't ****ing want to work. The ****s."
Of course when I turn around there is a woman standing right behind me with a face on her as though she owned the cee word and I was infringing some arcane copywright.
Either that or she "works" in the Tearman.
With a muttered apology I hurry off.


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