they use dark lawn mowers

Minding Ron Baines' house in the West for a few days.
A Kodak moment this morning as I drove out the gate.
This saturnine characterful fellow was standing there with long hair, a wavy beard. and a tee shirt bearing the legend: "Black Sabbath."
He glanced towards me and mouthed: "I'm here to do the garden."
I mouthed back: "Oh thank God."
I drove on and later that day phoned Ron who is in Portugal.
"I met your gardener."
"Great. Great lad."
"Him or me?"
"Him."
"He looks quite the wizard doesn't he? Missing the robes of course but at least he had a tee shirt on him that said Black Sabbath in case there was any confusion about his affiliations."
"That's so like him."
"Could you not get a gardener in a tee shirt saying: Jesus loves you or Campus Crusade For Christ? Or give him a few days off? I mean you knew I was going to be here."
"Black Sabbath are a music group."
"Lounge act eh? Sing nice songs do they? Life affirming sort of stuff?"
"They're more heavy metal."
"You should look for a gardener who's into Cliff Richard. You can't go wrong with Cliff Richard. Or Karen Carpenter. Or Chris De Burgh. Or John Denver. Those guys would tend your garden without invoking any powers your house sitter doesn't want to meet on a dark night, or ever. I mean you knew my neuroses. You knew I was going to be here. Do you not think both I and Catweazle were at least entitled to a warning about each other."
"Oh I warned him about you."
For a moment I was too moved to talk.
By the time I'd recovered the powers of speech Ron had hung up.

*******

Memo to the world's gardeners: You'd get more business if you wore the tee shirts I'm suggesting.