De Ploribus Unum

(inside the Trump presidency by a source close the president... himself)

International affairs are going to pieces.
Women just won't date me.
There's no trust anymore.
The world is full of haters.
People are being negatively influenced in their image of me by the television programme Saturday Night Live.
Someone should tell Alec Baldwin not to sneer directly at me so much when he's portraying me.
Hate isn't humorous Alec.
Even Mel Brooks when he had LSD DuBois portraying Hitler in The Producers didn't have the character constantly interrupt the comedy with asides to remind the audience that they're supposed to hate this guy.
Very unsubtle by Alec Baldwin.
He's not been looking too good lately either.
Maybe God is punishing him for making fun of me.
I think he's the reverse of Dorian Grey.
There's a really good looking painting of Alec Baldwin in the attic of the Baldwin mansion. And that painting is getting better looking every day.
The Domestic situation is nearly as convoluted as the international one.
My wife just forced me to fire a really good staffer.
Splendid legs, seductive voice, eyes that undress you.
A really great professional.
And she's gone.
And my daughter Tiffany has forced me to fire my personal assistant.
A really good personal assistant.
Bit heavy on the make up but otherwise really, really good.
I don't know where it will all end.
I need a hug.
Where's my new personal assistant?