kilcullen town 700 celebrations
Events scheduled for the coming months to celebrate the town's official number of accredited drug dealers passing the 700 mark.
(700th anniversary of the foundation of the town surely? - Ed note)
* Inauguration Of The Fairy Path. Ceremony on the Valley trail to honour the presence in our community of a pagan suicide cult which uses fairies as its primary symbology.
* Medal Of Honour. Presentation of award to Officer Kadorsky on behalf of gangland in recognition of services rendered over a decade.
* History Night. The Kilcullen History Club gathering will listen to popular community activist Noel Clare's perennially wearisome rehash of his story about Canon Furlong hitting him in the street when he was a little boy. (When Noel Clare was a little boy, not Canon Furlong.) The audience will view newly discovered Cine camera footage from the 1930s which appears to show a moustachio twirling Canon Furlong in black cape and top hat (played by Wallace Beery) adopting a Kung Fu pose before giving the childhood version of Noel Clare (played by Ricky Schroeder) a Karate chop on the back of the neck, punching him repeatedly in the face, then delivering a root in the bawls and a butt of the lug as he's going down. There won't be a dry eye in the house. You'll be laughing so hard.
* Satanists Convention. Hosted by Kilcullen Prayer Group in association with "Father" Ruari O'Domhnaill's Medjugorje Prayer Group in Newbridge. Members of the coven will attempt to raise the spirit of Joe McKenna and his sister Breda. Failing that, the devil.
* Yarn Bombing Of The Bridge. Explosives courtesy of the Muslim Clan Gang currently using the Alke Babish Chipper as a front for their criminal activities: NB: This will be a live fire yarn bombing. No knitting allowed.
* Parade To The Spear Monument. The dual purpose monument, created by Noel Scullion, honours the role of spear chuckers in establishing our nation and also honours the role of Britney Spears in debauching it. If the Christian religion has played any role in Ireland or Irishness, Mr Scullion and the organisers of the Kilcullen 700 celebrations apparently haven't noticed.
* Heritage Centre Plaque Unveiling. The unveiling of a plaque in memory of a 1930s terrorist who, according to a few ultra left wing gulpens, purportedly lived in Kilcullen at some stage before he went to Spain at the behest of Joe Stalin and the IRA to murder Spanish people. Guests on the night will include Christy Moore and the usual suspects. Afterwards the audience will attend an unveiling in the Town Square of a bronze statue of present day IRA chief Slab Murphy in honour of his masterminding of the Enniskillen bombing which successfully killed lots of Irish people who just weren't Irish enough for Slab Murphy.and his drug dealing, people trafficking, child abusing IRA terrorist mafia.
* The History Of Speeches. A short five hour lecture by Nessa Dunlea on speeches through the ages. (Well it will feel like five hours.)
* Community Wellness Night. A convivial gathering open to all, hosted by Teach Na nDrug Ndealers.
All events will be covered live on Brian Byrne's blog unless something actually newsworthy happens.
(700th anniversary of the foundation of the town surely? - Ed note)
* Inauguration Of The Fairy Path. Ceremony on the Valley trail to honour the presence in our community of a pagan suicide cult which uses fairies as its primary symbology.
* Medal Of Honour. Presentation of award to Officer Kadorsky on behalf of gangland in recognition of services rendered over a decade.
* History Night. The Kilcullen History Club gathering will listen to popular community activist Noel Clare's perennially wearisome rehash of his story about Canon Furlong hitting him in the street when he was a little boy. (When Noel Clare was a little boy, not Canon Furlong.) The audience will view newly discovered Cine camera footage from the 1930s which appears to show a moustachio twirling Canon Furlong in black cape and top hat (played by Wallace Beery) adopting a Kung Fu pose before giving the childhood version of Noel Clare (played by Ricky Schroeder) a Karate chop on the back of the neck, punching him repeatedly in the face, then delivering a root in the bawls and a butt of the lug as he's going down. There won't be a dry eye in the house. You'll be laughing so hard.
* Satanists Convention. Hosted by Kilcullen Prayer Group in association with "Father" Ruari O'Domhnaill's Medjugorje Prayer Group in Newbridge. Members of the coven will attempt to raise the spirit of Joe McKenna and his sister Breda. Failing that, the devil.
* Yarn Bombing Of The Bridge. Explosives courtesy of the Muslim Clan Gang currently using the Alke Babish Chipper as a front for their criminal activities: NB: This will be a live fire yarn bombing. No knitting allowed.
* Parade To The Spear Monument. The dual purpose monument, created by Noel Scullion, honours the role of spear chuckers in establishing our nation and also honours the role of Britney Spears in debauching it. If the Christian religion has played any role in Ireland or Irishness, Mr Scullion and the organisers of the Kilcullen 700 celebrations apparently haven't noticed.
* Heritage Centre Plaque Unveiling. The unveiling of a plaque in memory of a 1930s terrorist who, according to a few ultra left wing gulpens, purportedly lived in Kilcullen at some stage before he went to Spain at the behest of Joe Stalin and the IRA to murder Spanish people. Guests on the night will include Christy Moore and the usual suspects. Afterwards the audience will attend an unveiling in the Town Square of a bronze statue of present day IRA chief Slab Murphy in honour of his masterminding of the Enniskillen bombing which successfully killed lots of Irish people who just weren't Irish enough for Slab Murphy.and his drug dealing, people trafficking, child abusing IRA terrorist mafia.
* The History Of Speeches. A short five hour lecture by Nessa Dunlea on speeches through the ages. (Well it will feel like five hours.)
* Community Wellness Night. A convivial gathering open to all, hosted by Teach Na nDrug Ndealers.
All events will be covered live on Brian Byrne's blog unless something actually newsworthy happens.
posted by heelers | 10:22 PM
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