live feed from the irish parliament

Generic Healy Rae: "Tank you Chairman. There are shum peepil who have spoken quite pointedly and insinuatingly indeed, about my being registered present in this chamber when I'm not actually here. Dey tink it is impossible for me to register attendance in this chamber while attending a funeral on the far side of the country. These peepil display a woeful ignorance about the basics of myshtical theology. Clearly they are unaware of the beautiful and ancient practice long revered in our faith tradition of being in two places at once. Among us myshtics this is known as bilocation. I am not offended on my own behalf at the ignorance of jealous and envious peepil when they casht aspersions on me. But I will not sit here Chairman, and listen while they bad mouth Padre Pio."

(He begins to hum the Battle Hymn Of The Republic, and walks out, followed from the Chamber by Needermeyer, Bluto, Mr Blutarski, Flounder, D Day. Pinto, along with the rest of the Fianna Fail, Labour, and Fine Gael parties' front bench members as well as the fingernail pullers of  the IRA's proxy political party Sinn Fein.)

Ceann Comhairle Sean O'Fearghail: (Pounding his gavel.) "Sit down Mister. That's it. You're expelled. All of you. No more Delta House. No more drunken parties. No more studenty high jinks. No more antics. No more anything. You're out. You're gone. I'm expelling you all from Faber. I mean parliament. That's it. You're gone. All of you. The mayor will have my ass. Blah, blah. blah. Mayor. Ass. Blah. Etc etc." (He keeps pounding until the chamber is empty except for himself.)"

FX: Swelling orchestral music kicks in.

Ceann Comhairle Sean O'Fearghail: (dancing around the chamber and singing.) "There may be trouble ahead. But while there's music and moonlght and love and romance... Let's face the music and dance."



**********

Footnotes.
(1) Ceann Comhairle is an Irish language term, pronounced "ky-owwwn ko wer la," meaning "Chairman."
(2) Sean O'Fearghail is Irish for Johnny Farrell and is pronounced Dean Wermer.
(3) Deputy Generic Healy Rae is not related to me.
(4) Bluto and Mr Blutarski are the same person except during parliamentary votes.