inglourious bar snurds

 

Scene: A basement bistro bar in European Union occupied France. James Healy and a little old lady are posing as chiefs of pharmaceutical companies in order to infiltrate the Fourth Reich. As James and the LOL quaff cups of tea, Albert Bourla Chief Executive of Pfizer, wearing full SS regalia. emerges from an alcove where he has been reading, and sits at their table.

Albert: "Waiter! Drinks!"

(He stares fixedly at James and the LOL)

Albert: "Zere is somezing about you. Somezing not quite right. When you enthuse about the vaccines I'm not sure I believe you."

James: "I come from a little town called Kilcullen. We all enthuse like that there. Sometimes we're not sure we believe in ourselves."

(The drinks arrive.)

Albert: (offering a toast) "Ein tausand jahriges vaccination program."

James and LOL: (drinking) "Ein tausand jahriges program."

Albert: "Enough of these monkey shines."

James: "What's a monkey shine?"

Little Old Lady: "I think it's something deceptive or dupliciousn. If he's going to be rude maybe we should leave."

Albert: "Show me your papers."

James: "Didn't I see you working at the Cafe Insomnia in Naas?"

Albert: "Nein, nein, nein. Sit down. You're not going anywhere. Who are you?"

James: "I'm ze head of Merck Sharpe And Wankerdom."

Albert: "Zat is not even a real pharmaceutical company. And let me tell you old bean, zat since you entered ziss bar, I have had a vaccination gun loaded with two doses of Covid 19 vaccine and one top up because vee now admit two doses doesn't work, pointed at your testicles. So it looks Herrless Heelers as though you vill be getting ze vaccine after all. And zen some."

James: "What a coincidence. Since you sat down I've had a vaccination gun pointed at your testicles loaded with a fifty strenght dose of the gender suppressant chemicals you give to five year olds to alter their development prior to mutilating sex change operations at the age of fifteen. So I guess you're about to find out if you are just one of fifty different genders as you've been telling the children for all these years."

Little Old Lady: (To Albert) "And I too have got a vaccination gun pointed at your testicles containing a dose of Mumps Measles Rubella vaccine, you know the concoction you claim doesn't cause Autism in children. Remember you ruined Doctor Andrew Wakefield for exposing it. That's the one. Normally you'd get it as an infant so we've upped the dose a hundred fold to create a scientifically valid test for the vaccine's potential for inducing autism in an adult. Soon you'll be able to make the claim that it's completely safe with real conviction."

Albert: "Oh bawls."