expostulation and reply

 

Samuel Johnson and Freddie Boswell are sitting in a cafe in London.

From afar the city cacaphones with life.

For those who dare plumb the mysteries of existence, at this moment the real heart of London is here in the cafe.

Johnson is trying out aphorisms.

"He who is tired of London is tired of... tired of cream buns... No... Too trite... He who is tired of London is tired of... Something... Pretentious asses maybe. Ha ha. Too close to the bone. Tired of... Tired of..."

"You'll get it eventually," says Boswell encouragingly.

At a nearby table a shy scholar basks in the reflected glory of the great men.

He is at once terrified and thrilled for Johnson's reputation as a ferocious interlocutor of fellow coffee drinkers is legendary.

But the mood is mellow.

And presently the shy scholar risks an intrusion.

His sallie is hesitant yet bold.

"They say sir in Spitalfelds that Rebel Yell is about the pleasures of the flesh."

Doctor Johson scowls but not ferociously.

He beckons the young man to join their table.

"It is not sir," he proclaims finally through knitted brows.

"But Sir William Idol himself has stated it is so," ventures the student somewhat in awe of the company but nonetheless seizing his moment in history.

"I care not sir for what Sir William says it is about," thunders Johnson but still with no great unkindness.

"But what then sir," trembles the scholar hardly daring to believe that life has accorded him the chance of such an exchange of views, "what sir do you say it is about?"

Johnson's scowl has a trace of vehemence now but is still essentially good natured.

"Rebel Yell is about Steve Stevens guitar playing sir," he rumbes. "And anyone who talls you otherwise is a ******** ****."

The young scholar goggles then quibbles.

"But when he duetted with Miley Cyrus..." he proffers with a hint of challenge.

Doctor Johnson sighs as one who is showing great patience then raises his voice in full declamatory splendour.

"Miley Cyrus doesn't know the first thing about anything sir," he thunders. "Too many drugs and not enough songs, that's her problem. She should go to church and learn what real life is about. I tell you she hadn't a clue what Rebel Yell was about sir. I say it again for the ages. Rebel Yell is about Steve Stevens guitar playing. Particularly the bit where he makes it go like a machine gun and let there be no more about it sir. Now I was working on aphorisms when you came in. He who is tired of London is tired of... what?"

"Life," said the scholar wearily.