The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, August 03, 2006

from my in tray

The following letter has been received by the mighty Heelers.

I presume you are the area journalist for Ballindroher. I presume also that you received notification of the launch of our community group last week.
You can understand my surprise when I opened your newspaper and found no reference at all to our group. Instead I found a story about UFO's.
I am writing to you about this before I write to your editor. I thought this was only fair in the circumstances.
Colonel Dan Trunners.

The following letter has been despatched from the Chateau de Healy.

You do a lot of presuming in your letter.
You presume I am the Ballindroher area journalist. (Wrong.)
You presume someone in your group told me about your launch night. (Wrong again. Perhaps a case of too many Colonels and not enough indians.)
You presume I care whether you write to the editor of the Leinster Lootheramawn or not. (Terribly wrong.)
You presume to begin a letter to me using my first name and without the appropriate honoric.
This was the unkindest cut of all Colonel. For I never fraternise with army officers below the rank of Brigadier.
James Healy
(Sir to you)


Blogger Schneewittchen said...

Yeah, good response Sir Heelers, but you forgot to mention that....he DISSED the UFOs! What a bar steward.

6:11 AM  
Blogger LentenStuffe said...

If presumption is the wiry offspring of error, and Col. Dan languishes in error, then perhaps Brig. Gen. Healer might cut the savant some slack.

I'll supply the shears, you provide the slack. What say you?

Barring each, would you be so kind as to tell me how I might get my hands on a copy of your book?

10:39 AM  
Blogger Susan Jackson said...

Beautiful reply, sir.

2:06 PM  
Blogger heelers said...

Schnee, I'd be more angry with the Colonel if he hadn't proved such a popular guest star on this blog. I'm telling you, not since Aunty Mary's hens first appeared in my humour column have I had such a response. People actually saluted me in the street today.
Lentenstuffe, are you mad? The book will bring you death. DEaaaaatthh. No really. If you still want one, you could try the Leinster Leader at (045) 897302. Otherwise I'll have to steal one for you from the Dad's personal stash. He's the only one who kept any. And Genevieve in Tennessee is ahead of you in the queue for those!
Mlle Jackson, quelle belle image. Et merci. James

4:41 AM  

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