fortuna favori hammus

For a moment I couldn't believe my eyes.
A peculiarly gormless Irish soap opera called Fair City was droning away on the television.
And there right in the middle of it...
Pushing up the gormlessness quotient...
Ah for crying out loud.
No.
Not him.
Please not him.
But it was him.
Reggie McGroarity.
A native of my home town no less.
Hale and hearty and over acting.
My leonine roar filled the old chateau.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
It was a Macbeth moment.
Shakespeare fans may remember an evil Scottish king wannabe called Macbeth who would occasionally get outdone along the bloody road to ultimate power by his old pal Banquo. As the thwartings grew more serious Macbeth would mutter: "I should have killed him when I had the chance."
Well something like that.
I think Macbeth's exact words through gritted teeth may have been: "From now on the firstlings of my heart shall be the firstlings of my hand."
But you just knew what he meant.
Now I know exactly how he felt.
What's the technical term for assassinating an over actor?
Reggie-cide I think.
My aspirations to membership of the religion of love, normally disbar me from culpable homicide.
But no court in heaven could convict me in these circumstances.
For a decade ago the aforementioned Mr McGroarity started his professional career in one of my plays.
And here we are years later with my dreams of fame languishing in abeyance, and the irrepressible Mr M just keeps getting famouser and famouser.
Last year he was cast in an Amstel lagar international ad campaign. It features scenes from history, with three Dublin lads playing key parts in every scene. There's a Bible scene, a Helen of Troy scene, and a Columbus discovering America scene.
Annoying as hell.
But Amstel are showing it all over the western world.
Reggie McGroarity is in the lead role.
Death where is thy sting?
Then in January he got cast in a Dublin city theatre production of Look Back In Anger which played to packed houses and got rave reviews.
Banquo McGroarity was singled out by the critics for the sensitivity and depth of his performance.
Words cannot express.
Tonight he's showing up in soap operas.
Bloody hell, as my Uncle Peter used to say.
For many years in this town I was considered boy-most-likely-to-become-a-famous-actor.
Now the cup has passed to another.
It gets worse.
In one of his recent interviews the immortal McGroarity claimed the Amstel ad was his first professional work.
Hmmm.
I don't remember him refusing the checque for a hundred quid which I gave him for playing Doctor Milton Scherbitzki in the two week run of the Vampires Of Dublin during the dulcet Autumn of 1996.
In fact his exact words as he pocketed the checque were: "Ah for f---'s sake James could you not pay in cash!"
The baldy little git never even thanked me.

Heelers Memo to the Almighty: Why do you mock me oh Lord, why do you mock me, etc etc.