The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


The Johnston Press, publisher of the Leinster Leader and around 350 other newspapers throughout Ireland and Britain, has a vacancy for a REFRESH BAR OPERATOR.
Due to continued expansion at the Johnston Press online service (ie since the collapse in readership and sales and advertising at all their hardcopy titles) the company now has a need for a capable person who can log on repeatedly to the various internet titles and thereby create the illusion that they actually have some readers.
Applicants should note that the position has nothing to do with serving drinks.
The successful candidate will have a strong index finger for repeated pressing of the REFRESH BAR on his computer. Each time he presses the REFRESH BAR, a designated Johnston Press website will record a visit, allowing the Johnston Press to claim that there is multiple traffic, ie actual readers, on the site. That's how the gag works.
The position is full time and permanent, meaning you'll be fired only if you're with the company nearly long enough to have established a pension entitlement.
Candidates should be aware that the Johnston Press is the same Johnston Press that fired James Healy from the Leinster Leader, a newspaper they had purchased with 150 million dollars lent to them by idiot banks who have themselves since gone bust.
Candidates should be aware that the Johnston Press may cease to exist at any moment.
Salary is negotiable. You can choose between pennies, dimes, and magic beans.


Post a Comment

<< Home