The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, December 23, 2011

the truth about cats and dogs

Strolling past the porno mags in the Topaz garage outside of Naas.
I tut tut epicly.
We'll have to end our relationship with Topaz unless those mags disappear.
You know folks, serial killer Ted Bundy claimed on the night before he was executed that he believed his murderousness had been cultivated by exposure to porno mags.
Topaz can hardly be making enough extra money out of disrupting male and female sexualities in this way, to justify continuing to stock these things if they're actually causing murders.
I reach the end of the aisle and come to the newspaper rack.
A pile of Sunday Independents greets me.
It reaches as high as an elephant's eye.
I look at my watch.
Eleven o'clock at night.
These things aren't selling.
Forty years of claiming to be the most popular newspaper in the country, forty years of kulturkampf against the Catholic Church, and they can't give them away.
"So this is what they mean by calling their rag Ireland's largest circulation weekly," I breathe. "They mean they're leaving hundreds of thousands of them to moulder in garages."


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