The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, May 11, 2012

barack confidential

President Barack Obama sat behind his desk in the Oval Office.
His Chief Aide Ron Scherbitsky sat across from him.
"You told me we'd intercepted an Al Qaeda plot," said Barack accusingly.
"Well strictly speaking we did Sir," said the Aide.
"What exactly did we intercept?" demanded Barack.
"We stopped a plan to blow up an airplane above an American city," returned the Aide confidently.
"Who was planning to blow up the plane?" insisted Barack through gritted teeth.
"Well," said the Aide, "well, er, well, our agent who had infiltrated Al Qaeda was er, umm, our agent, was emm, well you see, it was like this, our man in Al Qaeda had, oh, emm, er..."
"Our own agent had singled out a plane and singled out a city and stuck some explosives in his own knickers, is that what you're telling me?" snarled Barack.
"That's about it," said the Aide lamely.
"And how many real Al Qaeda members, aside from our own agent, have we identified or arrested on foot of intercepting our own agent's plan to blow up one of our own planes above one of our own cities?" grated Barack.
"Er none," said the Aide.
"How many Al Qaeda hide outs has our agent revealed to us?" pressed Barrack.
"Er none," said the Aide.
"And how many future Al Qaeda plots, real ones I mean, has our own agent identified to us?" rasped Barack.
"Er that would be none too Sir," muttered the Aide looking at his shoes.
"So basically what have we intercepted here?" wondered Barack.
"An underwear bomb Sir," said the Aide.
"Which is?"
"A pair of knickers and a stick of gelignite Sir."
"And you guys put me on television trumpeting about that!"
"Yes Sir."
"You let me go before the world to boast that one of our own men had planned to bomb America but had intercepted himself beforehand by handing us his knickers and some TNT."
"It's a high quality underwear bomb Sir. You can feel the quality. Real nylon in the knickers. Very comfortable. The bomb was capable of downing a plane."
"Big swinging Mickey. It's our own man's knickers. It's our own stick of dynamite. It's our own agent. You call this intercepting an Al Qaeda plot?"
"We thought it might help your election prospects Sir."
"Leave me," said Barack wearily.
The Aide did so poste haste.
Alone once more, the President of the Free World slowly lowered his head into his hands.
His voice was gentle as he spoke to the stillness.
"Come back George Bush. All is forgiven."


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