The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, August 08, 2012


Watching the remake of Lionel Bart's infamously cute musical adoptation of Charles Dickens' novel Oliver.
I rather like the new version.
Interesting decision to cast kleptocratic former Irish Prime Minister Albert  Reynolds in the lead role as the gentle faced orphan Oliver.
The best bit is when Oliver is strolling through 19th century London as the sun is coming up.
He sings to still sleeping streets:
"Who will buy
My lovely passports
Who will buy
Irish passports from me
Who will buy my lovely passports
They cost a million dollars for my pet food factory"
The rhymes are twee but it's catchy.
And as Oliver sings, the street is suddenly filled with swirling Muslims, strapping on their suicide belts, leaving suitcase bombs beside the tube stations, torching churches all over Africa along with the suburbs of French cities, trying to poison Rome's water supply, bombing the Madrid metro, sloshing acid into passing children's faces who have committed the crime of going to school, and videoing themselves shooting dead three little Jewish schoolgirls in France just for the hell of it.
Hell being the operative word.
There's a nice little cameo as they execute Dutch film director Theo Van Gogh and stab the mayor of Paris right in front of Oliver, at the same time detonating explosives in buses, trains, plains and automobiles across Europe while no one else seems to notice.
The Muslims dance out of the shadows and alleyways from every direction, singing lustily as they explode:
"We will buy
Your lovely passports
We need citizenship
To advance the Jihad
We will buy
Your lovely passports
Allah U Akbar
And a kick in the nads."
Again not great rhymes but you have to admire a film company that would dare to tell the truth about these things.


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