The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

live news feed from tonight's white house dinner party

The White House is full of sound and laughter.
President Obama sits at the top table.
His glamorous guests bask in the aura of elan.
Musical entertainment for the evening is being provided by Alannis Morissette, (In reality former President George W Bush in a fright wig trying to pass himself off as Alannis Morrisette.)
As the coiffeured diners dine, Alannis sings her most famous song:

"Did you forget about me President Duplicity
Did you betray America over dinner
Was it worth it to you
To do what you do
To destroy our country for an eight year career
And when the mafia are running the Teamsters
And filling the Judiciary with their shysters
Do you call my name
Call my name
Call my name
Well I'm here
To remind you 
Of the mess you made when you pulled our troops out of Iraq
It's only fair
When I find you
To say you just brought Al Qaeda back
You oughta know
You... are... a machine skank
From Chicago's federal bank
Of useless mafi-o-si
That's... all... you are to me
Pres-i-dent Du-plic-it--y
Did you feel the hush
As you criminalised President Bush
Did it make you feel like a winner
Did you care that your lies
Laid us low in the eyes
Of every worldwide Islamist skanger
Well I'm here
To remind you
Of the mess you made when you trahaised a good man
The truth
Will find you
You just gave nukes to Nazi Iran
You oughta know"

No one seems to notice the strange high poetry of the new lyrics
When the revel is at its height, President Obama stills the music and convsersation with a wave of his hair.
"Now Ahmed," he beams in his best trade mark mellifluous declamatory tone, "you can show me your clock."
Little Ahmed, a 14 year old Muslim schoolboy who last week brought a disassembled clock to his American high school packed into a metal box so that it looked like a bomb in order to frighten his classmates and teachers, steps forward.
After being arrested at his school he had falsely claimed that he had designed the fake bomb as a clock for his science class.
Apparently President Obama, ever a romantic in matters Muslim, believed him.
In the White House audience Little Ahmed's father thrones proudly.
He is a former Presidential candidate in the genocidal Islamist statelet styled Sudan.
No joke.
That's who Little Ahmed's father is.
The boy's Uncle is also present.
He is the owner of a trucking business named Twin Towers Trucking.
No joke.
That's what Little Ahmed's Uncle's trucking company is called, in homage to the Islamist attack on America and the rest of Humanity on Nine Eleven.
To put it in context, I ask you to imagine if we'd let Japanese people set up companies in our countries called Pearl Harbour Trucking in 1941.
Or imagine if we'd let Germans set up companies in our countries called Auschwitz Trucking or Anschluss Trucking or The Blitz Of London Trucking or Rape Of Poland Trucking or Fuhrer Trucking or Deutschlund Uber Alles Trucking in 1939.
Because that's what Little Ahmed's uncle is doing now.
There ya go.
That's the issue.
Little Ahmed proffers Barack Obama his clock, then self detonates.
As the smoke clears, we see Alannis Morissette, as always the consummate performer, moodily replacing her fright wig and picking her way through the rubble.
Alannis sings her second best song:

"Isn't it ironic
Dontchya think...
President Stylish
Asked to see a clock
But what he saw
Gave him quite a shock
And isn't it ironic
Dontchya think
It's like rai-i-i-i-i-i-n
On your wedding day
A free ride
When you're already late
A conversion to Islam
The religion of hate
An endless holiday
In the Caliphate
But who would have thought it matters
President Trendy
Gave atomic weapons to Iran
He wasn't thinking
He did it without a plan
And as the bombs fell
On New York and Japan
He turned to his wife
And said
Sorry Maam
And isn't it ironic
Dontchya think
It's like immigration
To a Muslim State
A forced conversion
When you're already in the Caliphate
It's a free ride
You just shouldn't take
But who would have thought it matters
Life has a funny way
Of giving you a root in the bawls
Life has a funny way
Of kicking you in the Town Halls
Life has a funny way
Of hitting you right in the family jewels
Life has a funny way
Babadap dap dabble lap"


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