The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, April 10, 2017

if the joke needs an explanation it is not a good joke

The poet Brendan Kennelly is standing in a field. He is watching a country road that winds by, rising to the horizon. The wind whips his hair.

Brendan Kennelly: "There's something strange about... Toyota Drivers."

A Toyota Corolla whizzes into view.
Camera cuts to the Toyota's interior.
James Healy is arguing with the car's computer.

Heelers: "I have my seat belt fastened. What the hell are you talking about?"

Toyota: "Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeep..."

Heelers: "Listen to me you beepstard. I'm wearing it."

Toyota: "Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep,"

Heelers: "Is it the dogs? Are you telling me to put a seatbelt on the dogs?"


Heelers: "You vicious swine. I can't put it on the dogs. You're a programmable onboard computer. You should know the difference between dogs and an actual person in the passenger seat."


Heelers: "I'm warning you. You ----ing --------. Shut the ---- up."


Heelers: "You're from Planet Claire aren't you?"

The car disappears over the hill.
Brendan Kennelly turns to the camera.

Brendan Kennelly: "If I could drive... I would drive a Toyota... because... there's something strange... about meeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

Explanation for the joke: A decade ago the poet Brendan Kennelly truly was the host of an ad in Ireland for Toyota Motors. He did indeed begin this ad with the line: "There's something strange about Toyota drivers." His pronunciation of the word strange by the way was with a Kerry intonation. ie "strenge." Brendan Kennelly rather famously in Ireland, has never driven a car himself. Hence the above bit of light heartedness is rich with layers of resonant hilarity. Far from being a rubbish joke, it is an excellent joke. And you people need to start trying harder to appreciate me.


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