today they said

The Irish Times: "We are pleased to announce the appointment of a new editor..."

James Healy: "... rearranging deck hands on the Titanic."

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The Irish Independent: "It is clear from the census that the Catholic Church has no mandate in Ireland."

James Healy: "So with 78 percent of the people of Ireland self describing themselves as Catholic, Martina Devlin of the Irish Independent thinks the church has no mandate for societal influence. Hoo baby. Seventy eight percent is no mandate. Well if that's true what sort of a mandate has the Irish Independent stemming from its zero readership? It has the mandate of a newspaper group whose proprietor made his fortune by bribing the party of government to give him mobile phone service provision contracts dirt cheap. That is to say the Irish Independent no mandate whatsoever outside of the seventh ring of hell. Of course the census statistic which contrary to what Miss Devlin asserts actually shows an overwhelming mandate for the church, also understates that real mandate considerably, since many parents who are not Catholic absolutely insist that the Catholic church runs the best schools on earth and want their children to attend them. Just as many hundreds of thousands of people have come here to live as immigrants fully aware of Ireland's ancient Christian heritage."

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Archbishop Diarmuid Martin: "The census probably overstates the Catholic population."

James Healy: "Hi Archie. I've missed you. Infiltrated any ancient, beautiful and true religions lately on behalf of the old Soviet Union or some other secret brotherhood of evil?"