sensational exclusive preview of forthcoming tyson fury anthony joshua fight programme
Venue: Burj Al Arab entertainment centre.
8am: Weigh in and shoot out with Hutch gang IRA assassins disguised as Bedouin.
9am: Press conference with both fighters in attendance. Followed by revenge shoot out by the Kinahan IRA gang against the Hutch gang. The Kinahans will be disguised as hasidic Jews.
10am: Tyson Fury formally thanks mobster Daniel Kinahan for organising the fight. Reporters have been shown a preview of the thank you speech, the highligh of which goes: "I want to thank Daniel Kinahan for all he's done in organising this fight and in the fight for Irish freedom. Thanks to him IRA gangs are now free to sell drugs to children, teenagers and adults in Ireland. Thanks to him IRA gangs are free to traffic mobsters and Jihadis into Ireland. Thanks to him Kinahan gang and Hutch gang low life hold sway in towns, villages, and cities all over Ireland. Thanks to him the IRA child abuse division has created a worldwide industry through Eoin Eric Marques and his Daddy's website with torture murder, snuff, and rape movies distributed around the globe from Ireland. It's a top clas industry based in Ireland and we owe it all to Daniel Kinahan."
11am: Shoot out involving other IRA splinter groups and IRA Tinker clan gangs who have been feeling left out these past few years during all the publicity the Kinahan gang and the Hutch gang have been getting for their (tame enough by IRA Tinker standards) feud.
12 midday: Tyson Fury will thank the Cali Cartel, the Zetas, MS 13, Cosa Nostra, Al Qaeda, Nigerian devil worship rings, Pablo Escobar, Legs Diamond, Big Jim Colosimo and Al Capone for helping make him what he is.
1pm. Promoter Eddie Hearn will have lunch with reporters and will thank all those junkies addicted to Kinahan's drugs who have financed this 200 million dollar sporting extravaganza.
2pm: Daniel Kinahan will thank the Irish police and IRA infiltrated Judiciary and courts service for not bothering to jail him. He will also thank the nation styling itself the United Arab Emirates for providing his drug dealing, people trafficking, chilld abusing, murder gang with an international headquarters and a place to have a swim.
2.pm: Tyson Fury thanks Bug Moran, Bugsy Siegal, Bugsy Malone and Bugs Bunny.
2.30pm: Tyson Fury retracts his thanks to Bugsy Malone, explaining himself thusly: "What was I thinking? Bugsy Malone is not a real mobster. He's an actor. Remember he played Scott Baio in the movie Scott Baio, the kiddies gangster film. It has a song. How did it go again? Oh yes. He's a sinner, candy coated. To all of his friends he always seems to be in Ohio. But they love him... Scott Baio... Hard talking Scott Baio makes his mind up. Don't mess with Scott Baio or you'll wind up, wishing you'd left well enough alone. He's a man, he's a mountain, he's a rolling stone. And when you end up sad and lonely, I don't know why oh why oh why oh. Everybody loves that man. Scott Baio... Derdle der der derdle der der."
3pn. Undercard. First bout. Cock fight between Cluckers McGee and Roger Rooster for the undisputed WBC bantam weight title of the world. Classy.
4pm: Dog fight between a random Hutch and a random Kinahan dragged in off the street.
5pm: Mongoose versus a rattle snake.
6pm: Preying mantis versus an aphid.
7pm: Tyson Fury formally thanks satan for helping make this event happen.
8pm: Celebrity interviews. Woman's boxing champion Katie Taylor will announce formally that her father has no ties to the Hutch gang or to the Kinahan gang or to any other IRA skang gang currently dealing drugs, committing murder, trafficking muslims or abusing children in Ireland. The Irish national fraudcaster RTE will be filming the interview as part of another of their souful documentaries about how unconnected to mobsters Katie Taylor is.
8.30pm: The Big Build Up. Singer Sinead O'Connor will sing the new Irish national anthem, The Blood Spattered Banner, which goes:
"Oh say can you see
By the drug dealer's street light
A debauched generation
In the canabinoid's last gleaming.
And the terror we shared
The next generation ensnared
Confirming unto all
That the IRA is still there.
Oh say do those blood spattered killers
Still practice their extortions
In the land of the sex changes
And the home of the abortions."
9pm: The Main Event. Tyson Fury versus Anthony Joshua. Referee Gerry Adams. Judges: Don King, Bob Arum, and Donald Trump.
11pm: Tyson Fury will thank Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Muammur Qadaffi for giving him the inspiration to keep thanking mobsters when he's already made a complete goober of himself. (cf Goober And The Ghost Chasers.)
12 midnight: Party with music by a mafia houseband styling themselves The Fun Loving Criminals. The band's repertoire will consist solely of the song "La da dee la da da dee, free John Gotti, la, da, dee, la, da da dee, free John Gotti, he's the king of New York man, the king of New York," played over and over again, while Tyson Fury thanks Idi Amin, and the guests projectile vomit their way through an a la carte menu, all this vile celebration of evil just another glittering evening in the history of the beautiful sport of mobster controlled boxing.
8am: Weigh in and shoot out with Hutch gang IRA assassins disguised as Bedouin.
9am: Press conference with both fighters in attendance. Followed by revenge shoot out by the Kinahan IRA gang against the Hutch gang. The Kinahans will be disguised as hasidic Jews.
10am: Tyson Fury formally thanks mobster Daniel Kinahan for organising the fight. Reporters have been shown a preview of the thank you speech, the highligh of which goes: "I want to thank Daniel Kinahan for all he's done in organising this fight and in the fight for Irish freedom. Thanks to him IRA gangs are now free to sell drugs to children, teenagers and adults in Ireland. Thanks to him IRA gangs are free to traffic mobsters and Jihadis into Ireland. Thanks to him Kinahan gang and Hutch gang low life hold sway in towns, villages, and cities all over Ireland. Thanks to him the IRA child abuse division has created a worldwide industry through Eoin Eric Marques and his Daddy's website with torture murder, snuff, and rape movies distributed around the globe from Ireland. It's a top clas industry based in Ireland and we owe it all to Daniel Kinahan."
11am: Shoot out involving other IRA splinter groups and IRA Tinker clan gangs who have been feeling left out these past few years during all the publicity the Kinahan gang and the Hutch gang have been getting for their (tame enough by IRA Tinker standards) feud.
12 midday: Tyson Fury will thank the Cali Cartel, the Zetas, MS 13, Cosa Nostra, Al Qaeda, Nigerian devil worship rings, Pablo Escobar, Legs Diamond, Big Jim Colosimo and Al Capone for helping make him what he is.
1pm. Promoter Eddie Hearn will have lunch with reporters and will thank all those junkies addicted to Kinahan's drugs who have financed this 200 million dollar sporting extravaganza.
2pm: Daniel Kinahan will thank the Irish police and IRA infiltrated Judiciary and courts service for not bothering to jail him. He will also thank the nation styling itself the United Arab Emirates for providing his drug dealing, people trafficking, chilld abusing, murder gang with an international headquarters and a place to have a swim.
2.pm: Tyson Fury thanks Bug Moran, Bugsy Siegal, Bugsy Malone and Bugs Bunny.
2.30pm: Tyson Fury retracts his thanks to Bugsy Malone, explaining himself thusly: "What was I thinking? Bugsy Malone is not a real mobster. He's an actor. Remember he played Scott Baio in the movie Scott Baio, the kiddies gangster film. It has a song. How did it go again? Oh yes. He's a sinner, candy coated. To all of his friends he always seems to be in Ohio. But they love him... Scott Baio... Hard talking Scott Baio makes his mind up. Don't mess with Scott Baio or you'll wind up, wishing you'd left well enough alone. He's a man, he's a mountain, he's a rolling stone. And when you end up sad and lonely, I don't know why oh why oh why oh. Everybody loves that man. Scott Baio... Derdle der der derdle der der."
3pn. Undercard. First bout. Cock fight between Cluckers McGee and Roger Rooster for the undisputed WBC bantam weight title of the world. Classy.
4pm: Dog fight between a random Hutch and a random Kinahan dragged in off the street.
5pm: Mongoose versus a rattle snake.
6pm: Preying mantis versus an aphid.
7pm: Tyson Fury formally thanks satan for helping make this event happen.
8pm: Celebrity interviews. Woman's boxing champion Katie Taylor will announce formally that her father has no ties to the Hutch gang or to the Kinahan gang or to any other IRA skang gang currently dealing drugs, committing murder, trafficking muslims or abusing children in Ireland. The Irish national fraudcaster RTE will be filming the interview as part of another of their souful documentaries about how unconnected to mobsters Katie Taylor is.
8.30pm: The Big Build Up. Singer Sinead O'Connor will sing the new Irish national anthem, The Blood Spattered Banner, which goes:
"Oh say can you see
By the drug dealer's street light
A debauched generation
In the canabinoid's last gleaming.
And the terror we shared
The next generation ensnared
Confirming unto all
That the IRA is still there.
Oh say do those blood spattered killers
Still practice their extortions
In the land of the sex changes
And the home of the abortions."
9pm: The Main Event. Tyson Fury versus Anthony Joshua. Referee Gerry Adams. Judges: Don King, Bob Arum, and Donald Trump.
11pm: Tyson Fury will thank Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Muammur Qadaffi for giving him the inspiration to keep thanking mobsters when he's already made a complete goober of himself. (cf Goober And The Ghost Chasers.)
12 midnight: Party with music by a mafia houseband styling themselves The Fun Loving Criminals. The band's repertoire will consist solely of the song "La da dee la da da dee, free John Gotti, la, da, dee, la, da da dee, free John Gotti, he's the king of New York man, the king of New York," played over and over again, while Tyson Fury thanks Idi Amin, and the guests projectile vomit their way through an a la carte menu, all this vile celebration of evil just another glittering evening in the history of the beautiful sport of mobster controlled boxing.
posted by heelers | 11:09 PM
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