this just in

 

The controversy over whether US President Joe Biden's wife Jill should be called Doctor Jill Biden or Toots came to an unlikely conclusion this week when Mrs Biden intervened to save the life of an airline passenger who had been suddenly taken ill on a transatlantic flight.

Back at the White House waiting for his wife's return, President Biden himself saw a surge in his opinion poll ratings following the incident.

The airline passenger had suffered an apparent heart attack.

Jill Biden's timely intervention seems to have put an end to carping from Republican Party nay sayers who have consistently refused to accord her the title Doctor on the grounds that her university qualification is in Musicology.

The drama unfolded on Monday evening on Lufthansa Flight 832 from Munich to Milwaukee after a passenger lost consciousness and the captain appealed for any doctors on board to step forward.

Jill Biden was returning from an ex officio diplomatic visit to Germany without her husband, and was the only one to answer the captain's call.

Witnesses recall that Mrs Biden didn't hesitate but that there was one awkward moment as she searched for the patients heart and inadevertently palpated his testicles.

The patient did revive while Mrs Biden was massaging his testicles but clearly was a Republican nay sayer and had doubts about her bona fides.

"Madam," he said, "do you know the first thing about medicine?"

"No," replied Doctor Jill Biden, "but you sing it and I'll hum along."

A modest Mrs Biden told reporters on landing that she had simply gone with her instincts in rushing to offer her help.

"I didn't think twice about it," she said. "I just tried to remember everything we learned in Music School. You know, leg bone connected to the back bone, neck bone connected to the head bone, testicle bone connected to the heart bone. That sort of thing."

Mrs Biden recalled for reporters how she had first decided to become a doctor.

"When I was a little girl," she gushed, "I watched The Fugitive on television and I loved the way the narrator said Doctor Richard Kimble. I think the narrator was actually the detective Frank Cannon. He had a great voice. Anyway, from that moment on, I knew I had to be a doctor."

CNN and other Democratic Party leaning media groups are now routinely intoning Doctor Jill Biden in all their news reports (even ones that have nothing to do with the Bidens) with precisely the same gravumen and portentousness as Frank Cannon used for his voiceovers on The Fugitive.

Having gotten a taste for saving lives, Mrs Biden intends to augment her qualification with a second Masters Degree.

"I'm writing a thesis for a new Phd," she commented. "It's on Mozart and the Respiratory Tract."

The Nobel Prize committe has announced that Mrs Biden will receive this year's Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of her heroic action saving the passenger's life.

She joins several previous US winners of the Nobel Prize from the Democratic Party including former Vice President Al Gore who was honoured in 2007 for his role in creating the Climate Change shake down, and former President Barack Obama who got one in 2009 for being black.

Nobel Prize Committee Chairman Sven Organdonor attempted to allay concerns in some quarters that his Committee was giving out prizes to anyone and everyone.

"That does not happen," he said. "Vee only give zem to accredited socialists with long service to George Soros and his Freemasonic cabals undermining ze sovereignty of parliaments in the interests of propagating worldwide dictatorship. Es lebe unsere geheimnis Deutschlund. Ein reich, ein volk, ein World Health Organisation. Nyah, ha, ha Gee Force."