The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

my blushes

Me and the Mammy munching dinner in the Cafe Des Beaux Parvenus at Newbridge Silverware.
Mary Maloney, my second cousin once removed, approaches.
"Jamie," she cries, "are you still writing for the Leinster Leader."
My refined preraphaelite features go a bit gothic.
I allow myself a gentle sigh.
In truth bold travellers of the internet, I am beginning to wonder if the Leinster Leader actually has any real readers. No one I know seems to be aware of my departure many moons ago from that august organ. (I am of course using organ in its genitalic sense.)
"Mary," I tell her wearily, "I was fired from the Leinster Leader two years ago."
Her eyes go wide and round.
"Why did they fire you?" she exclaims.
Ah yes.
My relatives are nothing if not tender and diplomatic.
Why indeed.
"They caught me embezzling funds," I answer without hesitation.
Mary stares.
It is not entirely flattering to me that she doesn't seem to doubt for a minute that I was indeed embezzling funds from a newspaper that doesn't have a pot to piss in.
After a bit, she regains the power of speech.
"Well your brother is a priest," she announces cheerily, "maybe he'll give you absolution when you go to Confession."
I shake my head.
"Not possible Mary," I muse. "You see Jesus has put a little codicil into the Christian religion. Any person can be absolved of their sins. Any human being can be forgiven no matter what they have done. While we yet live it is a time of mercy. But the one tiny proviso is... you have to be sorry."


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