The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Sunday, March 28, 2010

tony o'reilly's letter of apology to the irish people

From: Lord Tony O'Reilly, Castlemartin, Kilcullen.
Dear Irish People.
For forty years my company Independent Newspapers has shamelessly attempted to destroy the Catholic Church.
We always regarded the Church as something to be laid low.
I thought 1960's style sex culture was the way to go.
I thought debauching the citizenry would make me a stack of cash.
But look at my newspapers.
Billions of dollars in the red.
Why it's as though the whole time I was hailing myself as an unrivalled success, I was merely wallowing in a mendacious self adulatory cess pool of my own making.
I sold my soul to Mephistopheles.
And all my riches, all my pleasures, all my victories were phantoms.
It's as though all the profits we declared for forty years were just accountancy tricks.
It's as though my anti Catholic newspapers only continued for so long because idiot banks were giving me free money.
Now the banks are bust.
And we are bust.
What's a boy to do.
I confess.
It's all true.
There has never been a greater fraud in Irish business life than myself and my family and my newspaper group.
During my time in charge of Independent Newspapers we have sought to enslave the Irish nation to the pleasure ethic.
We have militated constantly and mercilessly for abortion.
We have promoted the generation and destruction of life in test tubes through our advocacy of in vitro fertilisation procedures.
We have promoted the moral causality for rape and generalised sexual depravity through our celebration of atheistic hedonism.
You saw the pictures we printed of that silly little girl Katie French in her underwear sprawled across a table.
You saw how she came to believe our pornographic pictures made her a celebrity.
You saw the sort of drug taking scruff she started hanging around with.
You saw her die a cocaine addict's death.
We killed her.
We killed others.
We have ruined so many lives.
I cannot count the lives we have ruined.
We have debauched a nation.
We have manipulated the discourse so that worthy teachers and pastors were maligned.
We have championed the dictatorship of liberal scoundrels.
We have concealed child abuse, simply by not reporting 99.99 percent of it, and instead focussed on the 0.01 percent of cases involving the Catholic Church.
We have colluded with Archbishop Diarmuid Martin to undermine what is left of the Church from within.
We did all this with malign intent.
We did it to destroy.
The father of lies commanded this service of me in return for my forty years as a newspaper moghul.
But the forty years is up.
Now at the end of my life I see I have created nothing.
I have built a house of straw.
I see the demons of hell rising up to take my soul.
Don't let them take me.
Tony O'Reilly (Lord)


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