The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, June 05, 2015

also spracht enda kenny

Morning at Ireland's Reichstag rubber stamp parliament building.
Prime Minister Enda Kenny is grabbing some alone time in his office.
The door opens and a lickspitttle enters.
"Was ist Noonan?" enquires the relaxing Fuhrer.
"It's the new constitution for you to sign, Sire," proffers the underling.
Enda Kenny examines the single page document.
It has a single sentence on it.
The sentence and indeed the new Constitution of the Republic of Ireland reads in full:
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."
The Fuhrer smiles.
His pen poised to sign, a sudden urge seizes him.
He stands as if to address an imaginary crowd or perhaps simply to explain himself to history.
Or maybe he just wants to impress his lacky.
"Vee haff legalised abortion," he orates. "Vee haff turned a generation of children into murderers by supplying zem with abortion pills through ze pharmacies, Vee haff debauched the citizenry vith condom culture und drugs und porno. Vee haff redefined compassion as being telling someone you don't care if they engage in a self destructive lifestyle or not. Vee haff terrorised and silenced ze Christians by labelling zem all child abusers. Und now, vith ziss Constitution vee vill inaugurate a new thousand year reich. Ein reich! Ein volk! Ein IRA. Vell I suppose really zere's about fifty IRA's running Ireland from ze shadows at ze moment but you know what I mean. Zose cookie rackateers moving smoothly into ze vacuum of power und morality we have created by suiciding Ireland's Christian culture. Zose laugh a minute mobsters dividing the nation up into personal fiefdoms, yes about fifty if you include ze Cosa Nostra, ze Triads, ze Al Qaeda's, ze Nigerian gangstahs, ze Tinker gangs, ze new Russian mob, et al. (Particularly Al. Heelers hates him.) Vere vas I? Oh right. Ein reich! Ein volk!  Ein all of ze above! Vere do I sign?"
"Right at the bottom mein Fuhrer," murmurs the lacky helpfully indicating the spot.
Enda Kenny signs with a flourish.
He had gotten the idea for his single sentence Constitution cum legal system from an old British devil worshipper whose motto this particular single sentence was.
As the lacky left the room a roll of thunder sounded ominously outside.
At a stroke Ireland's laws, her traditions, her ancient faith, her mystic goodness, her mission in the world, all of it, had been made nothing.
On a voodoo wind.
Enda Kenny sat back into his armchair.
"I... am... God," he roared to the empty room.
He sounded just like the character Cartman from the opprobrious television cartoon Southpark.


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