The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, April 23, 2018

if the deity had a dublin accent

The Deity calls Saint Peter to the window and points earthwards.
"Look right there Peter. Do you see Heelers waving his hands in the air in church? He's at it again. He's always doing it. I mean, last week he did it during the Doxology. I was scarlet. I didn't know where to look. It's like my house, ree. Everyone is having a nice time. And your man starts undulating. He thinks he's at a football match. You know yourself. loike. He thinks he's a Mexican wave, ree. All me friends are watching and he's doing dis ting. I didn't know where to look. And I'm omnipotent. Omnipotent is where you can pronounce omnipotent with a Dublin accent. You know yourself, loike. I thought I'd pass peacefully out. What's he thinking of? He was waving his arms about like Magnus Pike on dhrugs. And I'm saying to meself: what's he so happy about? Maybe he thinks he's an Evanjellybaby. I don't know what the Evanjellybabies are so happy about either, moind you. Where they're going. My accent's good isn't it? Contrary to popular perceptions, the old accent of working Dublin is the most refined accent in the universe. Because I say so, ree. You know yourself, loike. And you've got to sass it or you don't get in. Ask Cookie is me coddle ready yet."


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