The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

election smiles in ireland

1. The waitress said: "I think the media are really unfair to Mary Lou. They keep asking her about the IRA, and Gerry Adams, and those guys. They're gone. The past is nothing to do with her."
I nodded.
"I have to ask you did you support Sinn Fein when the IRA and Gerry Adams and those guys were still around?"
She smiled guiltily.
"I did. " she said.

2. Farmer Jones said: "There's no IRA. The IRA are gone. They don't exist."
I nodded.
"The IRA," I said, "are a drug dealing, bank robbing, people trafficking, child abusing mafia. They are the presiding mafia in the Republic of Ireland. No gang does business here without the permission of the IRA. The IRA are responsible for all the gang activity all over Ireland."
Farmer Jones spluttered briefly.
"Will you keep your voice down?" he hissed. "Do you want to get us killed!"
I looked at him.
"I thought you said the IRA didn't exist," I said. "Who do you think is going to kill us if they don't exist?"
Farmer Jones smiled guiltily.

3. Reggie Baines accosted me in the street.
"The Fianna Fail woman Fiona O'Loughlin was out campaigning with Kadorsky that corrupt cop you're so fond of," he exclaimed brightly.
I nodded.
"Maybe someone should tell her," I murmured.
Later that evening, I got to thinking.
I don't really know Fiona O'Loughlin though I've met her a few times.
What she does is none of my business.
Then again, her brother was at school with me.
But he was a bit of a bollocks.
I'm keeping out of  it.
None of my business really who she has with her or who she's photographed with on her campaign.
Anyone she's sure to win.
Mathematically speaking she can't be beaten unless the Shinners rig the election.
There are so many Fianna Fail votes sloshing around Kildare South.
At the last election two out of three seats went to Fianna Fail.
Johnny Farrell, her running mate in 2016, went on to become Chairman of the parliament so he automatically retains his seat in the present election without having to stand again.
That means all his votes will be available for Fiona O'Loughlin plus her own votes which on their own were enough to get her elected last time.
There's no need for me to warn her about anything.
A few days later an announcement came on the radio.
Fiona O'Loughlin had lost her seat by a few hundred votes.
I allowed myself a guilty smile.


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