while we were sleeping

Flicking through the channels on the sexevision. My eyebrows raise.

The peaceloving Muslim President of Turkey, His Excellency Recep Tayyip Erdogan is speaking to reporters about his latest threats of all out war with Greece, over a maritime gas field no less. He suddenly interrupts the press conference to jump up and start singing his version of a Rolling Stones song.

The President of Turkey sings:

"I was born

In a cross fire hurricane

Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner

Some would say

That's why I'm insane

Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner

But it's al-l-l-l-l ri-i-i-ight now

In fact it's a gas

It's al-l-l-l-l-l-l-l ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-gt now

Jumping Jack Erdogan

It's a gas gas gas

Field I mean

Ner ner ner ner ner ner."

The song is quite catchy but my attention span is short these days so I flick the channel again searching perhaps for a nice interesting Corona virus story. I alight on yet another press conference, this time with Vladdie the Pute, President of Russia who is announcing to a coterie of tittering sycophants that he had nothing to do with the poisoning of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny.

"How could anyone suspect me?" exclaims Vladdie. "I haven't tried to kill a leader of the opposition in Russia since 2015 when Boris Nemtsov was shot dead on a bridge in Moscow. Do you know how busy I am? I can't be behind every murder, poisoning and kidnapping, of my every rival in Russia. Be serious."

With that he whipped out a Britney Spears fright wig, jumped up on the table and began to sing:

"Ooops

I did it again

Set loose my assassins

On another politician

Oh baby baby

Oooops

I think I'm in love

With being in power I mean

I'm not that innocent.

Na yai yai yai yai."

Even I had to admit he did Britney's "na yai yai yai" bit brilliantly. But I can only take so many sledgehammer subtle song parodies intoned by murderers, so once again I flicked the channel. Imagine my surprise when I came upon a third press conference, this one featuring the Ayatollah Hassan Rouhani, who in between busy bouts of Ayatollahing is also President of Iran. Today he was defying the world about something or other when he too suddenly jumped up and started singing.

The Ayatollah Rouhani sang an apparent reference to the Pope:

"Papa don't preach

I'm in trouble deep

Papa don't preach

I'm on losing streak

But I've made up my mind

I'm keeping my babies

By which I mean my nuclear missiles

Yeah, I'm keeping my missiles

Oh oh

Gonna keep my missiles

Oh yeah

Papa don't preach

I'm in trouble deep

Papa don't preach

I'm on losing streak

But I've made up my mind

I'm nuking the Israelis

Oh yeah

Gonna nuke the Israelis

And also quite probably the Saudis

Then the Bahrainis

Then the Emiratis

And then the rest of you

Oh yeah.

Mama always taught me right from wrong

Delineated itself along lines of Shia Islam

And if in doubt I should start a third world war

And I don't mean maybe

Oh Daddy Daddy can't you see

I'm obsessed will millen-ar-ian destiny

And the end of the world

Because I am in love

With death

Oh yeah

Papa don't preach

I'm in trouble deep

Papa don't preach

I'm on losing streak

But I've made up my mind

I'm nuking the Israelis

Gonna nuke the Israelis

And everything else that refuses to submit to me

Oh oh."

This was the weakest parody of the lot since the present Pope is quite accomodating of Islamist adventurism generally and the Islamic Republic of Iran in particular.

But I was desperate for a big finish so it'll have to do.