The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, July 05, 2012


Consultation with my characterful cousin Emma as to what the neighbours might think of my management of the estate.
I have heard rumours that some believe I'm letting the place go to rack and ruin.
Over coffee I enquire whether she thought the garden is a bit messy.
"It's awful," she answers diplomatically.
My sensitive little face wrinkles in pain.
"You don't think it's wild and beautiful?"
"I think it's appalling."
Well folks.
That makes four things in a lifetime that I've disagreed with Emma about.


(For those arriving late the other three opinions of mine from which Emma has dissented are: 1. I assert that Lyndsey Chamberlain framed a dingo for the murder of her baby Azaria. 2. The Bangles consist of a battle axe, a war hammer, a back of a bus, and Susannah Hoffs respectively, ie there is no good looking Bangle except Susannah Hoffs. 3. If God asks you to kill someone you should politely decline on the off chance that you're imagining it, but if he asks you to be a nun you may fairly confidently say yes.)


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