Our TV Listings

 RUSSIA TODAY

(President Vladimir Putin's English language news service.)

8.00 Live footage of the World Cup opening ceremony.

9.00 Live footage of the invasion of the Caucasian Republic of Georgia.

10.00 Live footage of the invasion of Ukraine.

11.00 Live footage of the invasion of Transdniestria.

12.00 The Anschluss. (Russian version of the Angelus.)

1.00 Live footage of the invasion of Nagorno Karabakh.

2.00 Live footage of the invasion of Abkhazia.

3.00 Live footage of Russian bombers buzzing California.

4.00 Live footage of Russian bombers buzzing London.

5.00 Live footage of Russian delivery of atomic reactors to the Islamic Republic Of Iran. (I kid you not.)

6.00 More Anschlusses.

7.00 Coronation Street.
7.30 Live footage of KGB agent Evgenia Tarasova seducing me.

8.00 Live footage of the assassination of the President of Poland, his wife and a hundred leading Polish Politicians who had lived through the communist era and were known as The Conscience Of Poland. They were murdered in a staged air accident.

9.00 Live footage of the poisoning of a former President of Ukraine.

10.00 Live footage of the murder of Alexander Litvinenko

11.00 Live footage of Russian supply convoys to the Syrian dictatorship. Hey it could be worse. Imagine if they were supplying Al Qaeda. But then again, they do that too. Both ends against the middle and all against the West, as we do say in the KBG trade.

12.00 Live footage of...

(That's enough live footage. - Ed note.)