De Ploribus Unum

(inside the Trump presidency, by a source close to the president)

I can't let on in public but the Chinese crisis is definitely worsening.
The restaurants in DC can't do Cantonese Duck properly. They do it like they're from Fujian or somewhere.
It can't go on.
Internal disruptions in my cabinet haven't entirely ceased either since I fired Bolton.
Now Vice President Pence is having trouble taking orders. He brought back Chicken A l'Orange instead of Chicken Chow Mein from the takeaway last night.
It makes you wonder.
How would Abraham Lincoln (honest Abe) have coped with that sort of incompetence?
You want to have seen Bolton's tache when I fired him.
The tache was more offended than he was.
It always had a life of its own.
The Dems are trying to impeach me regardless of the marvellous job we're doing..
It looks like they have the Saturday Night Live strand of government on side but that might not be enough.
Ivanka tells me no one watches Saturday Night Live anymore.
It should be called Saturday Night Dead.
Or more simply The Not Funny Show.
CNN is still implying I'm involved with the Cosa Nostra mafia.
They think I'm some sort of made man or something.
It's all fake news.
They're haters, the lot of them.
If I was in the mafia they'd all be going for a little ride, I can tell you.
And not to Disney World.