opportunity knocks
Sits Vac
(our job search column)
FEATURE WRITER - The Irish Times has a vacancy for a feature writer. Must be daughter of atheistic abortionist Irish Times journalist Andy Pollak and RTE presenter Doreen O'Brien. The right candidate for this position will have full competence in having the first name Sorcha. No time wasters.
HEAD OF PROGRAMME COMMISSIONING RTE - The Irish national fraudcaster, RTE, has a vacancy for a head of programme commissioning. Must be husband of current RTE presenter Miriam O'Callaghan and must have formerly been in charge of Miriam O'Callaghan's "independent" production company Snodgrass Features. Would be an advantage for any candidate to have previous experience of selling programmes to RTE presented by Miriam O'Callaghan while Miriam O'Callaghan was already working for a huge salary at RTE. Candidate must have extensive experience of Miriam O'Callaghan's home life, must know where she's ticklish, how many cats she's got, etc etc. Not being Miriam O'Callaghan's husband will disqualify.
JOURNALIST - The Irish Times has a vacancy for a journalist. Candidate must be an unaborted daughter of former Irish Times contributor atheistic abortionist Mary Holland and infamous IRA apologist Eamon McCann. Must be able to comment on Irish political situation while keeping a straight face and not revealing she's in bed with the Rah. Successful candidate will preferably have a name that rhymes with shitty.
AFTERNOON PRESENTER - RTE is seeking a new presenter for its horse racing coverage. Candidates must be a daughter of current RTE presenter Ted Walsh. Canvassing will disqualify. (Unless you're Ted Walsh's daughter.)
POLITICAL COMMENTATOR - The Irish Times is searching for a replacement political feature writer for Nuala O'Faoileain who has died. Nuala O'Faoileain died in 2008 but we've only noticed. The suitable candidate will be the lover, as Nuala was, of the late feminist, atheistic abortionist, IRA apologist Nell McCafferty. Must be able to keep a straight face while shamelessly slandering the Catholic church without mentioning your mutual masturbation activities with Nell McCafferty. Must also keep a straight face while commenting on Irish politics and at no time reveal she too is in bed with the Rah. The position is open only to candidates fulfilling all requirements. That is to say the position is open solely to Nuala O'Faoileain's ghost or Nell McCafferty's ghost. No other candidates need apply.
HEAD OF POGROMMING - The Irish Independent has a vacancy in Zektor Sieben Gah for a new atheistic, abortionist, anti Catholic errkkkkkkkkk... (That's enough vacancies - Ed note.)
(our job search column)
FEATURE WRITER - The Irish Times has a vacancy for a feature writer. Must be daughter of atheistic abortionist Irish Times journalist Andy Pollak and RTE presenter Doreen O'Brien. The right candidate for this position will have full competence in having the first name Sorcha. No time wasters.
HEAD OF PROGRAMME COMMISSIONING RTE - The Irish national fraudcaster, RTE, has a vacancy for a head of programme commissioning. Must be husband of current RTE presenter Miriam O'Callaghan and must have formerly been in charge of Miriam O'Callaghan's "independent" production company Snodgrass Features. Would be an advantage for any candidate to have previous experience of selling programmes to RTE presented by Miriam O'Callaghan while Miriam O'Callaghan was already working for a huge salary at RTE. Candidate must have extensive experience of Miriam O'Callaghan's home life, must know where she's ticklish, how many cats she's got, etc etc. Not being Miriam O'Callaghan's husband will disqualify.
JOURNALIST - The Irish Times has a vacancy for a journalist. Candidate must be an unaborted daughter of former Irish Times contributor atheistic abortionist Mary Holland and infamous IRA apologist Eamon McCann. Must be able to comment on Irish political situation while keeping a straight face and not revealing she's in bed with the Rah. Successful candidate will preferably have a name that rhymes with shitty.
AFTERNOON PRESENTER - RTE is seeking a new presenter for its horse racing coverage. Candidates must be a daughter of current RTE presenter Ted Walsh. Canvassing will disqualify. (Unless you're Ted Walsh's daughter.)
POLITICAL COMMENTATOR - The Irish Times is searching for a replacement political feature writer for Nuala O'Faoileain who has died. Nuala O'Faoileain died in 2008 but we've only noticed. The suitable candidate will be the lover, as Nuala was, of the late feminist, atheistic abortionist, IRA apologist Nell McCafferty. Must be able to keep a straight face while shamelessly slandering the Catholic church without mentioning your mutual masturbation activities with Nell McCafferty. Must also keep a straight face while commenting on Irish politics and at no time reveal she too is in bed with the Rah. The position is open only to candidates fulfilling all requirements. That is to say the position is open solely to Nuala O'Faoileain's ghost or Nell McCafferty's ghost. No other candidates need apply.
HEAD OF POGROMMING - The Irish Independent has a vacancy in Zektor Sieben Gah for a new atheistic, abortionist, anti Catholic errkkkkkkkkk... (That's enough vacancies - Ed note.)
posted by heelers | 11:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home